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I wanted to share my experience which seems very similar. I am 47 and in March 2023 I received my original birth records. I found my bMom and bDad married four years after my birth and then had 3 more children together. They are still married and they, my siblings and their families all live a couple hours from me. Our first meeting together was in July and was one of the greatest moments of my life. They have been accepting and loving throughout. We stay in contact and make plans for future get togethers.
I always denied to others and myself the importance of knowing my birth family. It took many years and changes in my life for me to be open to even looking. My mindset changed very quickly after getting my records and learning more about my bFamily. I suddenly realized what losing my bMom meant to me and how it had impacted my whole life. When I first met my bFamily I likewise felt very complete as a person and did not anticipate how deeply it would impact me. Seeing myself in others, their appearance and personalities, it felt like I was with my people and it made me so happy.
While it has been such a fulfilling experience it has also brought me a better understand of the pain I have felt my whole life. I think I'll always feel a sense of loss for my mom and the life we never had together. I feel insecure because I have not shared a lifetime of experiences with them and will never be close to them the same way they are with each other. And I miss them when we haven't had a chance to talk or get together for a few weeks.
My wife has been a great supporter through this and has been learning with me along the way. And despite all that she's done, I think it's impossible for her to understand exactly how I feel.
I'm frequently overjoyed knowing I have this second family that I love so much and also very sad for what we've lost. I also feel alone even though I have many loved ones in my life. I'm glad to finally be honest with myself and hope to find greater peace in time. And I also find comfort in hearing other adoptee reunion experiences and how they are working through it.
It's been less than 4 months since I first met my bFamily. I would love to hear how your experience since first writing this has gone and what you've learned over the past 5 years.