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My husband and I spent so much time trying to have a child. My only child, my daughter died in 2009 just 6 hrs after she was born.
We have endured the agony that is fertility and reproductive specialists. We have dealt with the horror of trying to adopt through DFCS. We had 2 failed private adoptions, because the birth mom decided at the last minute to keep the baby.
I am 42. I have spent 20 years trying to become a mom. Anyone here over 40 that has successfully adopted? I don't know where to go.
We have an approved home study. We are approved in GA Score (we live in GA). The process SHOULD be less intensive. I think.
Any advice?
Tal
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Hi Tal,I'm sorry for what you've experienced. While I haven't experienced the loss of the bio child or a failed private adoption, I can sympathize with how difficult they could be. I hope to give you a little hope by describing my experience with foster to adopt care. I began fostering my son when he was 3 days old. He's now over 2 years old and we should finalize the adoption in the next 1 to 2 months. It was a LONG journey. Lots of tears, anxiety, and helplessness, but ultimately I understood that I was at the mercy of DCFS and the courts. I realized that while I couldn't control the adoption process, I got to care for and love this child each and every day. He bonded with my spouse and me and visits with birth relatives just had to be done, legally. Thankfully we get to add him to our family permanently and we're currently working on our second, a newborn baby girl. So, is it hopeless? No. Is it hard? Absolutely. But the payoff can be infinite. If you haven't had success adopting a newborn, considering opening your heart and home to older children. They need and can give just as much love as a new born. I hope this helps.
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FYI; you could have a bio child with behavioral issues. There is no way to know.
I too went and try foster to adopt of a 10yr old, this was the worst decision I've ever made, child had too many issues and behavior problems, so we decided not to foster to adopt we are now researching other options to adopt but the cost is out of this world!
I'm responding to an old post here. I'm curious where you are today and what worked/didn't work. While I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child (I am terribly sorry that you went through that), I can relate to your frustration and hopelessness. My husband and I are in our 40s and have been in the adoption 'process' for almost five years (technically) only to have to start over as of Jan 2021. We are trying to figure out if we go with another adoption agency we found or if we do the marketing ourselves and utilize an adoption attorney to vet any inquires. All I ever wanted was to be a mother. I really never ever thought I would not have a child by now. To make things more complicated, my husband only wants to continue this process for 22 more months. So, please know you are not alone and I hope if you ever see this, you respond that you are happy and fulfilled no matter what ended up happening.