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I found out I'm pregnant a little bit before Christmas. At first I felt completely set on adoption, but now I feel confused after talking to multiple people about my situation. I don't have any money saved, I'm 21 and crashing on my friend's couch and I have a part-time job in a Kroger deli. Some people are telling me it's doable so I'm starting to feel like it would be wrong to give my baby up for adoption if I could make it work, but I don't really know. I don't want my own feelings get in the way of doing what is best for the child. I've already talked with someone about adopting my baby and I was really sure about doing it so now I feel a pressure to not back out even though now I'm not so sure. I feel guilty for getting her hopes up. But at the same time I don't even know what's right anymore.. She's a woman a lot older than me and already financially stable, and she's everything I want in a parent so far and she's willing to do open adoption. I feel extremely depressed about having to give the baby away but I don't want my feelings to blind me from doing what's best for the child, I don't care about what is best for me I want what is best for the baby. The dad wants nothing to do with me or the kid and I can't rely on my family to help me right now. My sister is trying to tell me that I can, and that's what's really started my doubt about my original decision. But she is about to go on a trip for a whole 6 months very soon (I'm around 4-5 months pregnant) and I would only really trust her and her husband to help me with the baby and to watch the baby, there's no one else in my family I can trust. My parents were abusive, my dad molested me and my sister isn't a baby person and my brother has a kid of his own and another one on the way and I would never let his wife watch my baby and they are like a package deal since they live together. This woman seems really loving and meets a lot of my requirements, but if I can find a way to make this work, should I? I want it to be able to work so badly but logically the right thing to do seems to be adoption. If my parents were willing to pay me a lot of money, maybe I could do this but I'm doubting that they would be able to support this baby and then they wouldn't even be allowed to watch it and my dad would never be allowed to meet the baby... I feel so lost and a lot of pressure to do adoption since I already told everyone it's what I was doing and one of my best friends and her girlfriend think it would be a bad idea to keep the baby and unfair which was also my original instinct, but my other close friend has a kid and told me it's hard but doable, but I think she had help from her family and also the father was more involved, he isn't anymore though
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Collette Parke likes this.
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You have to do what you think is best in your heart for you and your child. Cab you give your child what it needs besides love. Can you stay where you are while you have the baby and sort a place for yourself hun? Please message me x
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: : I am so sorry you are faced with such a difficult descision. Clearly this child is lucky to have a mom who cares so much about the child's own well being above all else. All of your processing about this decision sounds very logical and mature. Do you have any professional resources to help you in this decision such as talking to a counselor, finding a non-profit group that provides single mothers with assistance in securing health care, food, shelter, etc.? I think you are very very wise and protective to make the decision to stay away from your own parents as options (given what you mentioned about your childhood it wouldn't be safe for your child), but you might find the support you need to raise your child if you could connect with a parent support group and also find some parenting classes (many of them are free or low cost) in your local community. It is a lot of hard work (a full time job just to raise a child) but you might really benefit from the counseling and parent classes to help you feel confident that you are ready to parent on your own and it is not impossible if you are willing to do what it takes. That being said, even though it may be incredibly difficult, if you feel it is not worth the risk of it not working out and not being able to provide for your child, than my hope and prayer for you is that you are able to find warm, kind, loving parents to adopt your child that can not only provide everything the child needs, but also truly value you as playing an incredibly important role in your childs life as well. : ) Thinking positive thoughts and prayers for you. : :
Anna , I 100% empathize with your struggle. I got pregnant when I was 20 and found to my surprise that I already adored that child with all my soul. It was my instinct to proceed to love him as his mommy throughout his life. Then I began to think about what I could offer him. Love is a very great gift, and I am in no way undermining mothers who raise their child with almost nothing but powerful love. For me and my situation, it was particularly important to me that this child have a father. No amount of my love could give him that. I was 20, living with my parents (my father is a pastor no less...no shame or condemnation there.), in college and abandoned by the father. The more I thought about the life my child would have and the life I would be giving up, the more I realized that adoption was my child's very best chance. At the same time,I knew it had to be open.It was a very hard decision and I look back on my whole pregnancy almost like a surreal dream of pain, tears, and pushing through each day for him alone. Now, he is 7 and BEAUTIFUL, living in the Dominican Republic with his parents, attending a bilingual Christian school. He adores his daddy and I never regret my decision.I'm not trying to persuade you to adopt. No one on this forum or your family or anybody can make that decision for you or even guide you as well as you can yourself. Trust your instincts and your love for your baby. Make the best choice for what's important for you, and for what you truly want for you little baby.Then once you've made a decision, WALK IT OUT. Don't subject yourself to the torment of going back and forth with what-ifs. You WILL do it. You're strong. Choose to parent and be the best mommy this little baby could ask for. Adopt and give this baby the best chance in life you possibly can. Whatever you choose, it will be in pure love. Trust your love for this baby.