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Hello,
Before I go into what I am seeking let me give you a little info about me. My husband and I are new to the foster parent "world." We are both 50 plus years old and are at a time in our life that we thought we could help a child or children in need who ended up being in a bad situation through no fault of their own.
We both went through the foster parent training and even after seeing all the "rights" the children have, decided to still open our home to a child. However, six months into this "adventure" I completely understand WHY there is a SHORTAGE of foster parents in not only California, but other parts of the United States.
I realize that in the past foster children were abused and mistreated by foster parents in some cases. I understand that some well meaning people passed laws to protect these vulnerable children. But as happens to often, the pendulum has now swung the OTHER way. Now it is the foster children abusing their so-called "power" and abusing the people who are trying to help them. Keep in mind many foster parents are not related to these children, yet unrelated people who are kind and caring enough to open their doors to these unknown children face constant reprisal. Foster children now have so many "rights" that just a phone call telling someone at the social services agency the most inane allegation will result in the foster family being investigated.
I am working with a private foster agency, and right now nearly EVERY HOME is under investigation thanks to some child or children upset that someone set some boundaries or actually insisted the kid(s) do their homework or some other reason that ticked the kid(s) off ...which in turn ends up with these kids making false allegations left and right.
As foster parents, which in my opinion is a misnomer, we should really be called state paid baby-sitters because that's about the same amount of rights we have...it's close to ZERO.
I understand that children in foster care have parents....but obviously these parents aren't making the best decisions in life or their children would not be in the foster system.
So, I am seeking to get in touch with other foster parents who feel like me that the children in California have all the rights and we as foster parents basically have little to none!!
I cannot believe:
That a 12 year old child is entitled to seek out material about sex (as in it's OKAY for a child to go on birth control or get condoms to have sex at that age). In case any of you "forgot," the age of consent in California is 18...anyone having sex UNDER 18 is actually guilty of statutory rape...even if the "child" said they wanted to have intercourse...but of course in California even when there is a law on the books it is sometimes not enforced.
That it's okay for a child to dress in any way they want because they should be allowed "freedom of expression" regardless of their age
That it's okay for a kid NOT to take their medication, even if prescribed by a doctor.
That I'm required to give a child a mandatory allowance and not be able to use this as a disciplinary tool i.e. "inform the child to get better grades or not break curfew or your allowance will be held or reduced, etc."
That I'm not allowed to monitor where a child goes on the computer (yet, I'm supposed to be protecting said child from predators)...that it's okay for them to have password protected phones and/or computers, if provided to them.
And so on.
I want to reach out to our Congress People and Senators to get our Foster Parent Bill of Rights expanded to include things like:
Giving foster parents the right to not allow minors to have sex while living with assigned foster parents. Minors should be given access to training about sex and birth control, so they know how to handle those situations when they become ADULTS. However, if a kid under 18 can't buy a cigarette or bottle of liquor why is okay for a TWELVE YEAR OLD to have sex and potentially bring another child into an already messed up situation?
Giving foster parents the right to use allowances as a disciplinary tool (since we have so few tools to begin with).
Giving foster parents the right to have a "dress code" in their own home (what the kid wears when visiting their bio-parents is up to them, but in our home we should have the right to enforce a dress code).
Giving foster parents the authority to require children take prescribed medications... In other words, again using discipline to enforce that the child takes their prescribed meds).
Yes, kids should have protections, but things today are ridiculous. For those of you unaware, once a child makes an allegation, it starts the investigation process. An investigator or investigators will come to the home to check things out. In our area, the investigator may tell you verbally everything is fine, but until they close their report you cannot get any other foster children (we only had one and wanted another as a playmate for the child we have). The investigator in our area was running 9 months to a year behind on written reports to due a staff shortage at their office. This means families working with the same agency I'm working with have been waiting 9 months to a year to get reports closed for things that NEVER happened...just because some kid got ticked off because a foster parent limited their phone usage or said they couldn't stay out all night or some other lame complaint.
The foster kids have NO CONSEQUENCES...There needs to be something built into the system to discourage children from making FALSE allegations. If you make a prank call to 911 there are escalating repercussions. 1st offense, written warning. 2nd offense, $50 fine, 3rd offense, $100 fine, and 4th offense $250 fine. Perhaps something similar could be enacted for foster children found to make unfounded, false allegations.
These are just a few of rules I'd like to see added and/or changed.
Please feel free to email me directly at fosterparentrights@yahoo.com
Thank you in advance for your support and comments.
Theresa
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