I’m in a pickle! Please help!

Hi Brianne,I do not think you should call your husband’s birth father. It does not sound like you are in a healthy mindset to reach out right now. Your motivation should not be to get and take something from the birth father, but to give to him. Give him the gift of your husband. Family relationships are some of the strongest bonds we can have. Your husband could have a really beautiful relationship with his birth father. Of course, there is pain and discomfort that comes with any adoption, but that is not a good reason to lash out at anyone else and hurt others. Try to have empathy for the birth father. No one is perfect. He made some bad choices, but out of that came your husband. It is possible that when you are in a healthy mindset to reach out to the birth father, he will not be in a healthy place. He may deny it. He might also react out of pain. No one likes being called out, especially for a bad decision.The first thing you and your husband need to do is find healing on your own without bringing the birth father and his family into it. Come to peace with who he is and release the anger for your own sakes. Anger and pain do not make life comfortable. Instead of feeling like you are on a time crunch because of the birth father’s age, be more concerned about you and your husband’s timeline. It will take you all some time to find healing and be ready to move forward. Then, when you feel ready, that is when you can reach out to the birth father.I hope you and your husband find healing, and I would love to know how things go!