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I'm new to this website and I am a 31 year old English female looking for parental figures. I've been estranged from my parents for over a decade due to past abuse and neglect. I moved in with extended family as a teenager and was frequently emotionally abused and kicked out of the house. During and since those times- as an adult- I've not been able to connect with peers, friends, colleagues etc fully because I don't understand what it's like to be protected and supported by anyone, and that upsets me. I have extended family, but they aren't really there for me. I was good at school and also achieved a first class Law with International Relations degree at university, yet nobody came to support me at my graduation. My entire life has been like that, and when I've been in a crisis and in need of help, I've been ignored by my extended family. I have next to nobody, and this puts me in risky situations especially where relationships are concerned, because I have no safety net and no practical or emotional support when they go wrong. Therefore, relationships that aren't good for me have perhaps gone on too long, because my partner's have become my best friend and my family all in one. I used to work in conveyancing (property law) and managing the office of a private investigation firm when I last worked (as well as a range of jobs when I was younger in order to keep myself afloat and to pay for things myself from the age of 14 years.. therefore I'm very independent). But I haven't worked in a while and lost my last jobs due to depression and anxiety. I feel I am squandering my potential, but it is extremely difficult to get back on track with no support and with nobody caring for you or encouraging you and with nobody to lean on emotionally and practically. I find myself paralysed by my mental health and easily overwhelmed, and I really need someone when I'm no longer strong enough to continue with the good plans and progress I've been making, but at the moment when I drop, I really drop, because there is noone to catch me, and all my good plans go out of the window and I have to start from scratch. I've often been told when people meet me that I seem intelligent, confident and capable, however that is an inadvertent cover of my book which I don't intend on having but seems to be there; I did do well in academia, but I am not confident or strong or capable at the moment and am having problems in most areas of my life and in being able to cope with day to day life. I do love to travel and am very open minded and independent in most ways. For example, I find it easier to travel alone (for example, to China and other countries in Asia) than to keep up with day to day chores and paperwork, which often distress and overwhelm me at the moment. It's difficult to see a point when I've felt so uncared for. I think I went under the radar for social services when I was younger and so "missed out" on the chance of being fostered or adopted (even though I know the system is not perfect and many from them have their own difficulties... But I would have loved to have been given the chance to have my own foster or adoptive parents from a young age, and not to have just felt like a burden or a pest wanting support that I'm not getting because my extended family were not my parents, and were not there for me in that capacity and often ignored and never visited me). For example, I moved myself to university and looked around them myself when I was younger. I took a notepad to my parents evenings at school, and whenever I've been in trouble I've had to lean on partners, who luckily I had otherwise I don't know where I would be right now. I'm open to travel but myself am based in the South East of England, close to London. I'm open to seeing where this goes although because I am an adult I don't want to get my hopes up. If friendship comes of this then that would also be great, but it would be fantastic to have some parental/familial figures in my life. I suppose the best age would likely be 45years+ but the older the better. (My biological parents I believe are 49 years old and 59 years old, whereas my aunt and uncle whom I lived with are 48 and 53). I'm an animal lover, I have an eclectic music taste, I love to travel, I love sampling different kinds of food and drink, and I think deeply and have quite an analytical mind. I seem strong but am a sensitive soul. My birthday is on independence day but I've never been to the US. I loved in New Zealand alone for 2 years from the age of 19-21. I've travelled around Europe, Asia and Malaysia (but all on a shoestring budget.. I'm quite sensible with money due to my past). I'm quite liberal, and I don't believe in God, but will respect the points of view of others; I believe heavily in "live and let live" as long as people don't harm others or animals. Please feel free to add me as a friend so that we can message. Hope everyone is well!
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