Am I just too different or just being "rebellious" (27yrs)

Hi Dani,Relationships with your mom can be especially hard because you may be projecting some of the pain that you have from your birth mother giving you up onto her. At least I think I do that to my mom. I totally relate to not being able to tell my mom a lot of things. My mom doesn’t react well to my pain with being adopted. She doesn’t understand it, so it is hard to talk to her about it. And it makes it worse that you have seen your mom “dispose” of people. It’s that fear of being abandoned for sure and it sounds like it is coming true. Just consider, are you trying to make it true so that you can prove to yourself that you are unlovable? That is what I do. It is a sad and terrible rut to be in.I totally relate to keeping to yourself because you don’t think you will ever be fully accepted. Always being the perfect child. It is exhausting. And not fulfilling.I hurt for you that people actually told you that you aren’t family because you are not blood related. I can’t imagine any of my relatives telling me that. I would be so heartbroken.It sounds like you were trying to maintain autonomy by paying for the house. Then, you don’t have to feel guilty when you don’t tell her everything. I live at home too. I’ve had my share of disagreements with my mom about how to keep the house. I always feel like I have to earn her love. If I don’t do the dishes, she will sigh loudly to “no one” that she has to do the dishes again. Things like that. Through these disagreements, I have learned how human my mom is. She’s not perfect. She still has some growing to do. And it sounds like your mom does too. The problem is when you both can’t acknowledge your part in the problem. People react out of pain. Just remember that you both are in pain, and try to give you and your mom some grace. And maybe let her know you are willing to talk through it when she wants to. If you are willing. Conflict is hard, and I feel like we are never really taught how to do conflict well, but every relationship is going to have conflict unless you run from a relationship when conflict arises. Which is what I do. I think being aware of that and hopefully catching myself more often when I am doing that will make my relationships better. And then when you are not feeling as hurt, reaching out to that person again could worthwhile. Or at least I hope it is. Both people have to feel comfortable sharing their feelings with the other person and not feel the need to be defensive. So try to meet your mom where she is and ask her to meet you where you are.Let me know how the situation has been going since your last post, and I hope this is helpful!