is it normal to feel disapointed and betrayed by adopted adult daughter who would rather hang out with her birth mom after all we did for her?

I feel like I have been doing the right thing my whole life and all I do is get kicked in the pants. My now late wife and I adopted a baby off of our friend Brenda. I was secretly in love with Brenda but never acted on it because my parents and friends thought she was trouble and total trash.Brenda was fun creative and silly but she was strung out on crack and couldn't take care of the baby and homeless by her own choice even though she really wanted to keep her.So we adopted her daughter and paid for Brenda to go to rehab. Kelly our adopted daughter divided us even more. I was hoping to mold her into a mini version of me but she seems to want to be her own person and hates being told she is not doing anything right or she can't do certain things. She in her mid thirties and not very successful but is happy with her life. She really resents us for not telling her she was adopted and my tiger parenting methods . She doesn't do drugs or anything like her mother, but she unfortunately does not care what people think of her which is a big source of embarrassment to me. Like she wore a bikini top to a bbq fourt h of july party and Kelly is a little fat I am sure everyone was talking about it but she wouldn't change.My wife didn't want her knowing Brenda cuz Brenda was a mess for a long time but finally got clean in 1993 but still drinks alot. So whenever Brenda would try to see her I would drive her somewhere and give her money to go away. Kelly remembers her and the gifts she left on my mom's porch for her.My mom finally told her when she was 15 and she started looking for her..Kelly said she doesn't want to be estranged, but we didn't take her coming out well we don't except her much older girlfriend and she feels emotionally attacked whenever she tries to talk to me she visits. I swear my wife died of a broken heart because she went looking.