Viewing Single Post
Hi Melanie, I am very sorry for what happened to you. I think you really need to speak with someone about this because sometimes both biological parents and adoptees really need to understand that they may not have the same needs and desires. You may feel heartbroken but I don't think you'd feel much better if your birth mom decided to have contact with you simply because she felt obligated to but really didn't want to. It's something that you will have to accept and based on what you said, it will not change.
I am on the other side. I was adopted and found my birth father totally by accident. I won't reveal how on here for fear that someone in his family might read this, let's just say we look very much alike and randomly bumped into each other. Within a few months of figuring out who he was, I had cousins, half siblings and other relatives wanting to meet me. I felt guilty and kind of went with it. But the bottom line is I had no desire to find my biological family and although they seem nice, even now, 10 years later, I really don't want any contact with them.
It bothered the hell out of me when my bio dad would say this is your cousin or try to teach me something about his language or culture saying that your half "this". To me, my identify, ethnicity, culture and other characteristics are that of my adoptive family. Luckily my bio dad is not reliable at all so I don't hear from him very often. I have had to cancel all of my social media accounts due to "cousins" and others adding me as a friend. I don't dislike any of my bio relatives but I don't really care to have any contact with them nor do I want my children to see them as relatives.
The first few years I got a lot of invites to parties and reunions but since I ignored my bio family they have pretty much left me alone. I have no ill will towards them but I don't feel anything towards them either. It's just a genetic connection and that's all. Maybe because I had a strong positive childhood, I don't know. I honestly tried to connect with them but the feeling just wasn't there. I don't know why. So please understand, that your bio mom might not feel the same way that you do. It's probably tough but you have to get through it.
Ask yourself why some people really don't care to find their bio families while others look for them and even go on talk shows. Are they actually seeking some form of happiness and think only their bio family can make them happy. Maybe, Melanie, it's not your bio family you are really looking for, maybe you're just sad for another reason and want to fill that void. Obviously, you feel some sort of rejection. They way I look at it is that your bio parents are responsible for creating your body but who you really are comes from your upbrining.