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Thread: Distant BF
I'm sure folks have better suggestions than I. There are books for adoptees, etc that help understand feelings and emotions. If you want a relationship with someone having those feelings, it might help for you to read some of that material.
Adoptees often have strong feelings around relationship issues and feeling that things won't last. It can be very hard for them to commit because that's opening themselves up to the risk of rejection. If he's open to it, therapy might be a good idea, but these aren't things you can push him to.
The best we can do sometimes is to be supportive in general, be patient, and just listen. When he brings it up, don't ask, just listen. That he's talking about it at all is good, but this isn't something that can be rushed. (Advice I'm currently having a hard time following myself.)