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I tried to find a previous conversation dealing with this but the closest I could find to this topic were couples struggling with infertility and experiencing miscarriages and stillbirths. We have 3 children, a 16 yo, 14 yo and January 2nd 2021 we lost our 12 year old son. It's too soon to make any major decisions, but my husband and I have had initial discussions. I had my kids young and could still try for another but we don't want a baby. Well, my husband would be happy to do the baby stage again but I'm entirely not on board.
We miss our son and we can't have him back but we were expecting at least another 6 years of having a child around the house and suddenly, we only have independent teenagers. We need to make sure we're not doing this entirely for selfish reasons, but I think we would like to help and suddenly we have the space in so many ways. I'm going to try not to make this all about him but he plays a major role in our thoughts.
When I was starting high school my classmate was in foster care, we became friends. She was bounced around a lot of foster homes but often stayed over our house. My parents didn't have space to take in a foster child and we were immigrants, we just didn't have the time or money but she used to spend holidays at our house. She's still a friend of the family as an adult and she's said how much it meant to her to have us as friends. She had major anger issues and could break things sometimes. She made stupid decisions and has continued to make some big mistakes as an adult. Despite what she's said, I have my doubts how much of a difference we made in her life.
Has anyone lost an older child and foster parented here who can give me advice? Is this a really stupid idea? I was thinking maybe in September or early 2022 when we've had a little time to digest everything we could apply to foster children maybe 8-16 years old. I'm aware they come with their own issues but we've been through our son's liver cancer and pediatric palliative home care. It was a 24/7 job and it might be nice to help a kid who has a chance. From the moment our son was given a terminal diagnosis, all we could do was try to give him the best death available and make some happy memories with him with the time we had left. A foster kid has so much better chances than our son did. It would be so nice to help someone who has a future. Someone we can make happy memories with that they can take with them as they go on with their lives rather than to take to the grave. A troubled kid feels so much more positive to face than death.
Is this a reasonable idea? Are we being unrealistic? Have we missed something here?
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I don’t have a similar experience, but I just wanted to say that I think it would be pretty cool if you were to pursue fostering. In my state we had an orientation class which was a really good place to ask questions and get all the info we needed to make a decision. So that could be a good place to start. If you have the space in your home and your heart, than providing a safe and loving home to a child in need is such a beautiful thing.
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I tried to find a previous conversation dealing with this but the closest I could find to this topic were couples struggling with infertility and experiencing miscarriages and stillbirths. We have 3 children, a 16 yo, 14 yo and January 2nd 2021 we lost our 12 year old son. It's too soon to make any major decisions, but my husband and I have had initial discussions. I had my kids young and could still try for another but we don't want a baby. Well, my husband would be happy to do the baby stage again but I'm entirely not on board. We miss our son and we can't have him back but we were expecting at least another 6 years of having a child around the house and suddenly, we only have independent teenagers. We need to make sure we're not doing this entirely for selfish reasons, but I think we would like to help and suddenly we have the space in so many ways. I'm going to try not to make this all about him but he plays a major role in our thoughts. When I was starting high school my classmate was in foster care, we became friends. She was bounced around a lot of foster homes but often stayed over our house. My parents didn't have space to take in a foster child and we were immigrants, we just didn't have the time or money but she used to spend holidays at our house. She's still a friend of the family as an adult and she's said how much it meant to her to have us as friends. She had major anger issues and could break things sometimes. She made stupid decisions and has continued to make some big mistakes as an adult. Despite what she's said, I have my doubts how much of a difference we made in her life. Has anyone lost an older child and foster parented here who can give me advice? Is this a really stupid idea? I was thinking maybe in September or early 2022 when we've had a little time to digest everything we could apply to foster children maybe 8-16 years old. I'm aware they come with their own issues but we've been through our son's liver cancer and pediatric palliative home care. It was a 24/7 job and it might be nice to help a kid who has a chance. From the moment our son was given a terminal diagnosis, all we could do was try to give him the best death available and make some happy memories with him with the time we had left. A foster kid has so much better chances than our son did. It would be so nice to help someone who has a future. Someone we can make happy memories with that they can take with them as they go on with their lives rather than to take to the grave. A troubled kid feels so much more positive to face than death.Is this a reasonable idea? Are we being unrealistic? Have we missed something here?