Seeking Guidance Regarding Adult Adoptee

Hello, I'm seeking advice from adoptees who have suggestions on how I can be supportive and from spouses of adoptees who have gone through similar situations. The love of my life is adopted, and I just want help him in any way I can/should. He's figured some information out recently, and I can see so clearly that he's bothered by it despite his denial. I'm sorry for how long this post got - I don't know what's relevant for the help I need and erred on the side of too much information. Overarching questions/advice needed are at the very bottom. Backstory He's known since birth that he's adopted. His birth mother got pregnant very young and the birth father was even younger. It was an open adoption - he's even in a picture with her at her college graduation when he was 2. After her graduation, his adoptive parents and his birth mother stopped communicating. On the other hand, his birth father filled out the adoption paperwork and was never heard from again. He had never seen a picture of him and never knew what he looked like. His adoptive parents and grandparents are the most wonderful people I have ever met. He acknowledges that he had a great childhood with them and if anything, they may have overcompensated with him since they had a child of their own years after his adoption. His parents had him to go therapy once he was old enough to understand what adoption is, and according to his parents, the therapist told them she didn't think there was any need to continue with therapy after a few sessions because she felt he was well-adjusted and clearly understood his situation. He had never mentioned any adoption-specific issues to me in our eight years together other than wishing he knew what his birth father looked like, and I think that was only ever twice. He speaks fondly of his birth mother even though they aren't in contact. He found her on Facebook many years ago (never friended her), and he looks at it from time to time. Her kids look almost exactly like him, it's crazy! He looked for his birth father but never found him. He never expressed interest in a reunion of any kind with either parent. I've always figured he was harboring some pain, but he consistently told me he was fine. He's very open with me about his feelings with everything else. On many occasions, I've suggested therapy, mostly for things not related to his adoption (some anger issues - is this common for adoptees?), but he always shoots me down. He puts on such a strong, confident exterior, but I know him and I know when it's an act. Current Situation About two weeks ago, we were moving some of his childhood things from his parents house to our house because they're moving and trying to clean. It was so cute watching him go through all of his toys and pictures. Part of these childhood things included his adoption records. They were never a secret to him, but I think this was the first time he ever looked at them closely and really read through. Aside from medical information, the forms asked the birth parents open-ended questions about a bunch of things, including the nature of their relationship and why they were giving him up for adoption. While I'm sure they were well intentioned with what they wrote, the clear theme was "I have a bright future" with a half-hearted side of "it's what's best for the baby". I watched him take a shot to the heart, and he still continued to tell me he was fine. Upon further reading, we discovered abortion was very much on the table. His maternal grandparents actually insisted on it, but she wasn't able to because she was too far along. She discovered she was pregnant VERY late in the game. I watched him take another shot to the heart, and he still continued to tell me he was fine. "I'm sure the large majority of birth parents consider abortion," he said. "I've always figured that was on the table for me too." As we went through his birth father's family and medical history, he mentioned again wanting to know what he looks like. I asked him if he wanted to take another crack at finding him, and he shook his head yes. It clearly bothered him, so I made it my mission above anything else. I'm sure I looked insane with my 20 different internet tabs, documents spread all across the desk, and scribbled on post-it notes scattered about. But finally, I found him. Despite his adoption paperwork including identifying information, his birth father was very difficult to find, which is a whole other story I won't get in to. Before I told him I found his birth father, I wondered if it was the right thing to do. I found that his birth father is quite successful, as is his grandfather. He's married with young kids, and they are truly a gorgeous family. After a lifetime of not knowing anything about his birth father, was this going to upset him? Is ignorance bliss? After debating myself for a while, I decided he'd be just as upset if not more so if he one day knew I had this information and never shared it with him. As I shared the information, I tried to keep things positive and light-hearted, like pointing out that he's going to be a total silver fox and joking that he must have gotten his height from his mother. I showed him pictures of his grandparents, uncles, cousins, etc. - I found them all. He definitely had tears in his eyes but didn't cry (at least in front of me). He was obviously and understandably affected - he saw his birth father for the first time in his life. Now, nearly every other day, he makes a comment that suggests he needs to talk about this with a professional. - Starting a conversation with "His parent's definitely wanted the abortion too" and continuing with "You think I'm like a family shame secret that they never talked about again?" - "Do you think I'm the reason he doesn't have a Facebook?" - "I wonder if his wife knows about me." - "I'm going to need to work out and make some more money before I meet them." That last comment was most concerning to me and the reason I committed to seeking help for a few reasons, but mostly because I honestly don't think his birth father would be open to it. I have NOT said that to him. I can absolutely be wrong about that, but many things suggest otherwise. I know it will eat at him until he decides to make contact, which might not be for a long time (we've already discussed that if that day should come, going through the agency is the best option). I'm petrified of him being rejected. It'll tear him to pieces. My Questions 1. Adoptees - Are there boundaries you wish you would have communicated or did communicate with the people in your life when you were going through thoughts of reunion? 2. I know it's totally his decision whether or not to make contact, but what's the best role for me considering my concerns? Is my honesty more harmful than helpful? 3. Any anti-therapy/counseling adoptees out there that eventually decided to give it a try? If so, what motivated you to go? Did you find it helpful? 4. Totally different note - has anyone ever asked the birth parents (via agency) for an updated medical history? His birth parents were so young when they completed the forms originally that there really wasn't a whole lot of information - even their grandparents were still pretty young. I've researched this question and haven't found a thing. Thanks so much to anyone who reads and/or responds. I love him more than anything in the world. Your honesty is completely welcome with me no matter what it is.