When a Birthmom rejects you

So I have an experience that I want to share. I met my birth mother when I was 30. I found out she and my father had married and had more children. I was so excited when I found her because my mom always told me how they loved me and missed me and that narrative became very real for me. I just assumed that they would be like long lost family members and we would all be close. Well she took that the wrong way. She decided that I wanted more and that I wanted her to be my mother because I was so enthusiastic about the meeting. She did not want to tell my sister and brother about me. I was very excited and couldn't wait to meet them and I was stunned by the rejection. I'm just a very open person emotionally, but I have parents whom I love very much. I would never be looking for another mother. So she was very wrong, and although I know my father brother and sister, I will never have a desire to know her. My father and she were divorced when I met them. All I want to say here, or what I'm trying to convey, is that you need to be very careful when you make assumptions about what your biological child wants. Just because we are enthusiastic, that doesn't mean that we want more than you can give. Perhaps it just means that our parents have given us a story about how much we are loved and missed, and it just so happens that it may not be true. But we didn't know that. Adoptees need to hear and need to believe that, because it helps us as we are growing up to not feel like we were given away and forgotten. My birth mother has said a lot of things over the years and quite frankly been a bit snotty, and I am just not impressed and I will never have a desire to meet a person like her. I'm not trying to sound cruel, but I have no desire and getting to know people like that. To me, it is a matter of ethics. You can at least be polite and give someone more than one meeting before you make assumptions about them. If you want a relationship with your child, and I guess it goes both ways, if you want a relationship with your parents, be careful with your choices in the beginning. Feelings are very sensitive, and I think it's really important to communicate and get to know the other person and never assume anything. Communication is key. Every time I think about her, I get a disgusted feeling. The worst part is she never told me how she felt. She told my father and she told my sister and she told my brother, but never me. So I hung on like a little puppy dog waiting for her to come around because I thought it was just too painful. Then when I found out that she was telling everyone that she had no maternal feelings for me, I couldn't believe that she hadn't told me. I could have made it easy for her. I thought it was just too painful for her. Had I known how she really felt, it would have satisfied my curiosity immediately. I still would have gone on to meet the rest of the family, but I would not have had a desire to get to know her anymore. It would have made her more comfortable, I think. Even writing about it is irritating, because it shows such arrogance. For any of the mothers who don't want to get to know their kids, just show them a little bit about what you are about and it probably will turn the majority of them off. That's your best strategy.