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Our 33 yr. old son died in 2012. He was divorced and left two children, 5 and 7. Mom was already engaged and got married several months after his death. We've always remained in a good relationship with her and have bent over backwards, even in our grief, to accept and acknowledge stepdad's role in our grandchildren's lives. We have never interfered with their parenting, going out of our way to be supportive of them both as parents. He is Dad, our son is referred to as Daddy. We have also done everything we could to keep the kids connected to our family. They ARE our family, just as much as their mom's.
Now, out of the blue, my grandson told me they are going to give stepdad adoption papers for father's day 2022. We are devastated, and don't know why now, after this many years, when the kids will be 15 and 17, she feels the need to go through with adoption. How many times must we bury our son? He isn't absent enough? Now we need to remove him from the birth certificate and remove all legal ties to us?
Yes, they will always be our grandkids in our hearts, but there is a lot to be said for the legal ties, too. Our daughter died in 1994 and our remaining son and wife have chosen to be childless so they will always be our only grandchildren. We all feel like we've been kicked to the curb by her intentions on this. Our son being replaced on their birth certificates would feel like his death all over again.
We were their daycare from birth to kindergarten. They spent more time with us for about a year during separation and divorce than with either parent. They still spend a lot of time in our home. When our son died, we surrendered $40,000 to his estate that he owed us in order to give them his property free of debt. But now we are supposed to step back and let stepdad's parents become their legal family while our entire family is erased. Our emotional AND legal connection to them is our only connection to our son. This is cruel.
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