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I have so many questions and thoughts, I'm just looking for advice or perspective from more seasoned foster/ adoptive parents.... In the grand scheme of things I feel like we are still newbies to the foster care world. We've had one placement that was 6 months long, then a couple of really short term placements- not over two months at a time. So really we haven't had any children in our home for any length of time. And we've only been licensed for about a year and a half now.
Two months ago we took placement of a 7 yr old girl and her 12 month old sister. Alot has changed in those 2 months and the social workers are now pushing to terminate parental rights as soon as possible. Never in my wildest dreams did I think things would progress so quickly and these kids may be eligible to adopt fairly soon I suppose. There are technically 6 kids involved in this case, ranging in ages 18 to 1 year. We have two of them, two other foster families have one each and the oldest two teens are in a group home. They are a very close sibling group and there is LOTS of trauma involved. Luckily we have became friends with the other foster families and the people that run the group home and we are able to get them all together for visits often. Ideally, it would be amazing if all 6 kids could be adopted together. But myself nor any of the other families are able to take in all 6 at once. So when/ if the parental rights are terminated I have been told that the current foster families would get first priority on adopting the child or children in their home. (There doesn't appear to be any suitable bio family members willing to take them) But looking ahead to the future, I am just really concerned about the mental impact this will have on these kids. Some being adopted together and others separated. Right now we are able to get the siblings together often for visits but I don't feel like any of us can promise that in 5 or 6 years we will still be able to commit to regular visits like this. I mean whose to say that one of the families might not one day move to a new city or state. Then what happens, they lose almost all communication with the siblings. That has to be damaging to child. Also it will probably have to be a closed adoption also due to the seriousness of the case. With the oldest about to age out of the system, there is no guarantee that she won't eventually go back to the mom. Then what if she tells mom and dad where the younger kids are. It could be a dangerous situation for us all at that point. But she's 18 she doesn't see all the dangers we see. Then what about the ones not adopted with another sibling will they feel inferior and secluded? And to be honest the 7 year old that we currently have, I don't think she will want to be adopted. She wants to go home. It's heartbreaking. I'm afraid if we try to push towards adopting her that she will resent us in later years. I see warning signs already. I'm almost of the mindset that if we can't adopt at least the 4 youngest ones all together then we shouldn't adopt any of them because it will be more damaging than beneficial for these kids in the years to come. The oldest two have said they would rather be in the group home than be adopted. Any thoughts or ideas or perspective from any other more seasoned foster/ adoptive parents? Any questions you think I should consider before we make any type of decisions? Also, generally speaking how soon after the courts terminate parental rights before an adoption is finalized?
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BTDT.. I adopted 2 sets of bio brothers. Both sets have bio subs that were adopted by other families. Older kiddos sibs moved. We did visits but it was hard. Sibs of younger kiddos were able to visit but one sib had a hard time after visits so they were stopped. Honestly, make the effort. As far as the address: with the internet and apps, your address won’t be hard to find.
I have so many questions and thoughts, I'm just looking for advice or perspective from more seasoned foster/ adoptive parents.... In the grand scheme of things I feel like we are still newbies to the foster care world. We've had one placement that was 6 months long, then a couple of really short term placements- not over two months at a time. So really we haven't had any children in our home for any length of time. And we've only been licensed for about a year and a half now. Two months ago we took placement of a 7 yr old girl and her 12 month old sister. Alot has changed in those 2 months and the social workers are now pushing to terminate parental rights as soon as possible. Never in my wildest dreams did I think things would progress so quickly and these kids may be eligible to adopt fairly soon I suppose. There are technically 6 kids involved in this case, ranging in ages 18 to 1 year. We have two of them, two other foster families have one each and the oldest two teens are in a group home. They are a very close sibling group and there is LOTS of trauma involved. Luckily we have became friends with the other foster families and the people that run the group home and we are able to get them all together for visits often. Ideally, it would be amazing if all 6 kids could be adopted together. But myself nor any of the other families are able to take in all 6 at once. So when/ if the parental rights are terminated I have been told that the current foster families would get first priority on adopting the child or children in their home. (There doesn't appear to be any suitable bio family members willing to take them) But looking ahead to the future, I am just really concerned about the mental impact this will have on these kids. Some being adopted together and others separated. Right now we are able to get the siblings together often for visits but I don't feel like any of us can promise that in 5 or 6 years we will still be able to commit to regular visits like this. I mean whose to say that one of the families might not one day move to a new city or state. Then what happens, they lose almost all communication with the siblings. That has to be damaging to child. Also it will probably have to be a closed adoption also due to the seriousness of the case. With the oldest about to age out of the system, there is no guarantee that she won't eventually go back to the mom. Then what if she tells mom and dad where the younger kids are. It could be a dangerous situation for us all at that point. But she's 18 she doesn't see all the dangers we see. Then what about the ones not adopted with another sibling will they feel inferior and secluded? And to be honest the 7 year old that we currently have, I don't think she will want to be adopted. She wants to go home. It's heartbreaking. I'm afraid if we try to push towards adopting her that she will resent us in later years. I see warning signs already. I'm almost of the mindset that if we can't adopt at least the 4 youngest ones all together then we shouldn't adopt any of them because it will be more damaging than beneficial for these kids in the years to come. The oldest two have said they would rather be in the group home than be adopted. Any thoughts or ideas or perspective from any other more seasoned foster/ adoptive parents? Any questions you think I should consider before we make any type of decisions? Also, generally speaking how soon after the courts terminate parental rights before an adoption is finalized?
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