Difficult relationship with adoptive parents

I am a 40 year old adopted child, an only child. I was adopted when I was 4, I am now 40. My adoptive parents are Irish Catholic. I have always had quite a strained relationship with them. I don’t really know the rest of the outside family very well as I have always been kept away from them. I have always found my parents very controlling and suffocating. The have said a few times that I am a disappointment to them. I am married with two children of my own, they don’t like my choice of husband. I feel like I have been pushed out of the family, I am never invited to family gatherings . I live just under an hour away from my parents, they have said they can’t have a relationship with me as I live too far away. They get in well with my children but, they never come to visit us we always have to go to them. I feel like I am very much the black sheep of the family, they always say I’m not like them I’m different. It’s getting harder to continue to have a relationship with them. Not sure what to do.