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Originally Posted By Ave Marie BucyHi- My parents divorced when I was little, and my mother soon remarried. At age 7, I was adopted by my stepfather with the consent of my birth father. I firmly believe that step-parent adoption is a mistake. Although I was asked at the time whether I wanted to be adopted, no one explained the permanent consequences of doing so to me (probably assuming I was too young to understand.)The adoption was presented to me as a fun way to have a daddy around. No one told me my real father would be removed from my birth certificate forever, replaced by a lie. No one told me it could never be undone.The next 7 years of my life were a living hell. My stepfather, who had seemed to be a charming and wonderful person at the start, turned out to be a monster. He abused my mother and me mentally and physically for years. My mother finally divorced him when I was 13. Although I had no contact with my birth father for nearly 10 years, we reestablished our relationship when I was 17. But unless I find some loophole in Ohio law or some miracle, my real father will never again be my real father in the eyes of the law. The forged birth certificate that sits in the courthouse makes me ill to even think about.I ask you to think carefully about the long-term before you choose to impose step-parent adoption on a young child. While you never know how your current marriage will turn out, or whether you and your spouse will still be together in 10 or 20 years, your child's father (or mother) will ALWAYS be their parent. There is always a chance that they will reestablish their ties down the road.The benefits of stepparent adoption are minimal. It may make your new family look more unified, and it may help get the old spouse out of your life. But unity and peace can be established in a simple step-family. None of my friends growing up were adopted by their step-parents and they missed out on nothing.However, the damage adoption does to your child's bond with their real parent is permanent and unnecessary. I cannot tell you the pain this situation caused me growing up, and still today as I look for a way to reverse it. Today I am 24 years old and married, and I love my birth father and my three younger half-siblings very much. But it is hard to be both his firstborn child, and the only one not legally recognized. Family bonds can survive the unthinkable, but adoption severs that official tie- forever! Think about it, and consider my story.Hoping to prevent another child from ending up in my situation-Ave Marie
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Originally Posted By F BlairThere are some cases where the birth-fathers are not in the picture, take my case for example. The birth-father of my daughter has only seen her once, she is 2 and a half and wouldn't even know him if she saw him. He has never bought her anything for her b-day or christmas. I have been with my fiance since she was 2 months old and he loves her to death. He is all she knows and she loves him too.
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I disagree totally. In most cases of step parent adoption it is because the bio parent has not taken any care or responsibility for their child. If a step parent loves that child then they are the "REAL" father. I'm sorry to hear about your story (because there are exceptions to every "rule" as they say) however in 99.9% of the cases stepparent adoption is a WONDERFUL thing. And if you have a good relationship with your dad why do you care what "the law" says. You are an adult and no one can tell you that you can't have a relationship with this man. What benifits would you have that you don't just by being "legally" his daughter again. He didn't want you when you were young! Try to remember that when you say awful things about how we as parents may ruin our kids lives. Is you life ruined???
Originally Posted By Nor always a bad thing!I think your mother was just not responsible in her choice of mates. I do however think a child should be an infant whos father is unknown or relenquiesed his rights, or old enough to decide for him/herself what they want. The kids have a right to know and understand the process.As you stated a 7 year old is not going to be able to do that.
Originally Posted By AngieAve Marie- I agree with you 100%. My husdand and I have been tied up in court for over a year fighting his ex wife and her 3rd husband. He wants to adopt her and they have filled her little mind full of Goodies to make her want it, and in the mean time the are hiding her from him so he can not pick her up during scheduled visitations and telling her that he does not want to see her. Its a lot longer of a story than this but i just want you to know Ohio laws do need to change.
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Dear Ave Marie Bucy,
I am 22yrs old and I know exactly how you feel. I was adopted in either 89 or 90 when I was either 9 or 10yrs old by what I thought was my step father. I thought my mother and him had been married since I was about 4yrs old but come to find out they didn't get married until 1999 (after I got married in 1998). I know the adoption took place because I have both birth certificates the original with my "birth father's" name and the amended one with my "step father's" name. Now I find out that my birth father may not be my real birth father after all these years. My "step father" was very abusive towards me and my mother and my mother kept telling me that i deserved everything I got. I ended up in a foster home when I was 16yrs old. The man I suspect is my birth father is in a Florida State Prison sentenced to life. My mother refused to leave my "step father" even though he was abusing me because she believed I did something to provoke it and that I deserved it. My mother has never told me the truth about anything my entire life. The man that I thought to be my birth father has already agreed to a paternity test. He has told me that even if the test proves he is not by biological father that I will always be his daughter no matter what any test shows. When I met the man who may or may not be my birth father, I discovered that I had 2 younger sisters and a younger brother. I met my brother soon after I met him, but his mother moved and I lost contact with him. Just recently I met one of my sisters. I just don't want to hurt the people I thought to be my family. My mother knows nothing about what I am doing because she would probably just lie to me even more than what she already has.
Ave Marie, if you would like to talk with me (I would like to talk with you) send me your email address and I will email you my phone number. Maybe we can work together to get our issues resolved. My email address is jfmabrown@aol.com
Ave Maried I hope everything works out for you. I truly know how you feel. Just remember there is someone here in you same situation who could use someone to talk to who understands.
Hi everyone. I am married to Ave's stepfather who adopted her. We have been married for 11 years now and have three children of our own.
My husband was married to Ave's mother when Ave was around 7 years old. Ave did not inform in her post that her mother was married and divorced 5 times before she married my husband, and is a diagnosed manic depressive woman who tried to kill herself twice when Ave was little. One of those times was while my husband was married to her, and he saved her life.
While my husband was married to Ave's mother, he took on the obligation and moral duties as Ave's father. He was a good father to her. They also had two boys, twins, as a result of this marriage. Since his divorce to Ave's mother, he was awarded by the court full custody of the twins, with no visitation rights allowed by the mother. This just shows what type of person Ave's mother is.
After the divorce, Ave had no contact with my husband, her stepfather, the man who took care of her when her biological father relinquished that right to him. Because she was adopted by my husband, he continued to pay child support through the court, since she was a minor living with her mother.
Through the years, my husband has purchased gifts for her, given her extra money (above and beyond child support), and kept her on his health insurance policy as she continued on through college (which he was under NO obligation whatsoever to do). He felt that even though he divorced her mother, Ave was STILL his daughter and was going to take care of her as such.
My husband is a very loving, well liked, and very kind and gentle man; and it dissapoints me that Ave would write such terrible things about the man who took her under his wing and raised her when her own father chose to give up his little girl. Ave' needs to think about how convenient it must be for a father who gave her up so easily, to re-establish a relationship with his child when she is grown. All of the hard work of raising her done at that point.
To put all of this in nutshell, the post by Ave is nothing but a retaliation written by a spoiled, unempathetic, and miserable person. Her own half brothers don't want to have anything to do with her because of the lies and rumors she has spread about their father.
Now, the question is if I believe that step parent adoption is a mistake. In some cases, maybe. But it isn't always the child that is the victim.
I am sorry for your unfortunate situation. I believe a step family adoption must be carefully weighed, and that every case is different. My daughter desperately wants to be adopted by my husband. We have lived with him for two years and during this time they have bonded and fallen in love as father and daughter should. My daughter's biological father has only been in her life when it is convenient for him. Now he is being very selfish and is fighting us on the adoption. My daugter is ten and fully understands that this will severe the ties to her biological father. She knows that she is able to communicate with him if she wished to, but she doesn't want to and has told her biological father this. Our family consists of myself, my husband, my daughter, two step-daughters and my husband and I have a 7 months old little boy. My daughter calls my husband dad and would love nothing more than to be adopted and to take our family name. Her heart is broken that her natural father is not allowing her what he has deprived her of for years, a real dad. My husband is her dad in all of our hearts but we must make it official so that if anything should happen to me my daughter will be able to grow up with her other siblings. My daughter has never even spent the night at her biological father's home. He is a stranger to her. So although you feel that you were coaxed into being adopted and you feel your situation has had a negative outcome please try to understand that there are a lot of loving individuals out there that will make wonderful step mothers and fathers to kids who have never felt the safety, love, comfort and security that these people provide these children.:(
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My friend is going through the final stages of a messy divorce. He adopted his wife's daughter after they had been married for 3 years (the daughter was 11 at the time). The daughter had no contact with her biological father her entire life and the biological father never paid child support. The wife made contact with him to have him sign to waive his parental rights. A year and a half later the wife filed to divorce my friend and is currently collecting $192 per week in child support. We realize that because his name is on the birth certificate he is legally obliged. Here is the major hang up and reason for reversal of the adoption.... his ex-wife is currently back living with the biological father and is pregnant with another child of his. There is no justice in them receiving child support from my friend. The divorce courts don't have case law to stand on especially since the original divorce was heard before she was pregnant. We are trying to find a way to reverse the adoption. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
There is no legal way to reverse an adoption. The only way for an adoption to become void is if another man adopts the child, yet again.
Your friend has made a commitment to this child, regardless of his feelings for his ex-wife and her current partner.
I know this is not the answer you want to hearbut adoption is forever, in the eyes of the law, he is her fatherŅand he has to honor the responsibility he willingly took on when he adopted her.
Why is it about the money? Why not fight for a relationship with the child that is legally his? This isnt about money or the adults involved, its about the child҅rather than trying to fight to reverse an adoption, why not fight for whats best for the child? A relationship with both of her legal parents.
BrandyHagz
There is no legal way to reverse an adoption. The only way for an adoption to become void is if another man adopts the child, yet again.
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