Step-parent adoptions

Originally Posted By Kurt HughesStep parent adoptions are goverend by State statutes, so you really need to consult with a California adoption attorney. After five years, it is likely that you would be able to proceed (I would hope!)The American Academy of Adoption Attorneys has a national directory at You can search by state there and find someone qualified.Good luck.Kurt HughesVermont

I know in Caifornia, that the abandonment does take proof that the bio father has had ABSOLUTLEY NO CONTACT OR SUPPORT OF THE CHILD in anyway, for at least one year. Also, you and your husband need to have been married for at least two years (I think you have been married for five, right?). But I must say this, I know YOU feel is in the best intrest of your child but, I would try to get the bio father involved. Let him know that your husband wants to step up to the plate and be the father he isn't being. But remeber, that your child is a person of his own and you can never for see the questions he may have about his real father, and it would benifit your son, to maybe have a letter from the bio father, telling him why, how or anything really, to just let your child know in the furture, that yes, you do have a bio father, and this is his name, these are some of the reasons why things are this way, and know that MAYBE someday your ex will want to see him and your son MAY (slight chance, but still) want to know something about him and his family, and that is something all parents should keep in mind, because in the end no matter how much it hurts we want our children to feel whole and know that we always tried to do what is best for them, and give answers. And if your son never wants to know that is great, but prepare now, so your son is never the one on the internet trying to find his father. It sounds like the bio father would gladly sign over rights, anyway. Please just keep in mind what is best for your son now and in the furture, and for you also.

Krissy - PLEASE edit your post to eliminate the term "real father" in respect to the little boy's bio father. That little boy's real father is the one who has been loving him and supporting him and caring for him for the last 8 yrs. (according to the date on the original post). The sperm donor has no right to be called his father, because he left that child and his mother and hasn't looked back. Hopefully the mother has settled this matter by now and resolved any outstanding issues about the step-parent adoption. Renee

I won't edit the father part. No matter what, the boy has a Father. I didn't say that the man was his DADDY. As we all know, ANYONE can be a father, but it the special people, the ones who love, provide and are there that EARN the right to be called daddy. And we have no idea what the little boy may or maynot want in the furture, some people search thier whole lives trying to find the father, even though they had great, loving adoptive parents, it just helps fill in the why, like why do I like baseball so much, and why do I have musical talent, how come I'm so tall etc... All am saying is that the little boy MAY want to know his real father, and he may NEVER care, but either way, give him the chance to be the one to decide when he is older.

with the bio father I mean? Is his name even listed on the birth certificate? If not, then things can be as easy as having your husband named as the father. But I would seek legal help to explore all your options.

The state of Ohio has pending legislation HB 144 that will give biological grandparents the right to sue for visitation with your child after step-parent adoption. For those of us that are touched by step-parent adoption we now the harm this can cause and negate the reason for step-parent adoption, to give a sense of belonging and loove to a child that has only one parent in the picture. Please write the Ohio Legislators in opposition to HB 144. Please excuse my miss spelling in my posts there is a letter that does not worc on my eyboard.

"The state of Ohio has pending legislation HB 144 that will give biological grandparents the right to sue for visitation with your child after step-parent adoption. For those of us that are touched by step-parent adoption we now the harm this can cause and negate the reason for step-parent adoption, to give a sense of belonging and loove to a child that has only one parent in the picture. Please write the Ohio Legislators in opposition to HB 144." ~ Cladd I don't understand; how could visiting with grandparents interfere with a child's sense of "belonging and love"? Isn't it better for a child to have more caring adults in his/ her life, rather than fewer? Unless the grandparents have mistreated the child in some way, I believe they should have the right to be part of their grandchild's life. JMO, ~ Sharon

If you don't understand maybe it is because you have never been involved in a step-parent adoption. I would lie to first start off saying not all grandparents are the coocie bacing apron wearing grandparent, that some have such fond memories of. Next is A child is adopted by one of several ways; Either the biological parent is willing to give up his/her parental rights, [ usually to avoid paying child support ] or the bio parent has abandoned the child, or possibly, but not probable, that a parent has died. The reasons step-parents adopt are varied, but, I believe the main premise being to give that child two parents, and a sense of belonging to someone that loves and wants them and belonging in the family unit. Adoption, whether it is a stranger adoption or step-parent adoption is meant for all intents and purposes to mae that child, the child of the person/persons that adopted him/her. Names are changed, new birth certificates issued, records sealed, etc. After this it should be up to the parent/parents with whom their child associates. This is our right as "FIT PARENTS " as stated in the United States Constitution, The right to the care , custody, and control of our children, grandparent visitation laws tace away that right. The government has no right to interfere/intervene in a "FIT PARENTS " decisions regarding their child. Thus maing grandparent visitation statutes un-constitutional according to the U.S.Constitution and affirmed by the U.S.Supreme Courtin the Troxel v. Granville case.

I agree with Sharon; if the grandparents' are a positive force, I see no reason to eliminate them from the child's life, especially if they are old enough to have formed a relationship with them. Unfortunately, a complicated family senario is par for the course in the event of divorce. If someone wants a less-complicated life, they should probably marry someone that has no children from previous relationships. I don't think it would be best for a child to cut him off from his past, whether it is difficult for the parents or not. cladd: you talk about sealing the records of the child, like this will give him a "new start". You may be right about that as far as who will support and care for him, but when people have a child together, that child is always part of EACH biological parent-- you can't erase that. Whatever problems the parents have, they shouldn't penalize the child and HIS right to know his biological heritage.

My friend currently shares custody with her ex husband. (not a decent human) He drops her children off at his mother's house when it's "his time" This would be great, EXCEPT the paternal grandmother is a vile, sneaky, immature woman that spews venom and poisons the minds of my friend's kids. This same "grandma" threatened to sue for "her rights" if J cuts of contact. "Grandma" bad mouths J to her children and teaches them that money = love. This same "g-ma" watched her 14 yr old brother giving oral sex to her 10 yr old son and did nothing to stop it. Her reasoning was that they were just playing and it was normal for boys to experiment. She has no problem keeping the kids out shopping until 2 am and will punish them for bedwetting(7 and 8 yr old) by making them wear diapers. They wet the bed only at her house! She also encourages them to lie to their mom about what really happens at the visits. The kids barely get back to normal after these visits and its time for another visit. Her lack of honesty and morals is appalling. I say It's up to "parental discretion" who is allowed to influence their children. States cannot see the details. Since G-ma has no criminal history, it's all ok..... Meanwhile, J gets almost ZERO $$$ support to raise them, but g-ma buys their love and the kids always say, fine, I'll just ask g-ma, she'll let me/buy it for me. G-ma's right, you're a mean mom!

My point exactly, The Judges do not now what has went on and they do not and will not listen when you tell them. I belong to a parents rights group, coalition for the restoration of parental rights, and this is exactly what we are all dealing with and being jailed for "the right to the care , custody and control of our children. basically the right to protect them from harm. the grandparent visitation rights statutes have taen away that right, These statutes allow a judge from a few hours of testimony in a court room [ where people can tell lies and these grandparents always do ] to substitute their judgement for what is in the best interest of a child in place of the parents. Based on his/her preconceived ideas of what a grandparent is. A person could tae this a step farther and say that for example team sports are good for your child, participating builds character, promotes fittness, soicalization sills, one day the government could tell you your child MUST participate in team sports, because it is in their "Best Interest" to do so if we allow the government to interfere in FIT parents desions regarding what is in the best interest of a child it will eventually happen.

If anyone wants more information about the government tacing your rights away concerning your child, go to parentsrights.org or parentsrights.com These issues effect all of us, eventually it may be you fighting for the right to protect your child or your son/daughter , this issue has far reaching ramifications. Help the parents fighting for everyones rights, go to the web sites above and find out more.