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Sorry, but this will probably be long. I'll try to break it up into paragraphs so it's not so hard to read.
I had a baby when I was 18. I kept her. Her father couldn't seem to stay out of jail (still can't!) so I left him. I was a single mother to my child for 3 years.
After leaving her birth father, I moved to a different state, where my father and step-mother lived. I got a new boyfriend who totally ruined my life. I was broke, depressed, behind on all my bills... it was awful. I asked my father if he would let my daughter come and live with them until I could get back on my feet. We had a discussion beforehand that no matter what, I was still her mom, they were the grandparents and I would get her back when I was ready. We also agreed that she would come and visit me often and sleep over on the weekends.
A few weeks after she went to live with them, my dad told me that I needed to sign an adoption paper in order to put my daughter on his health insurance so that she could get a couple of shots and be allowed into daycare. I was a little uneasy about that, but he assured me that our agreement still stood and this was just for paper reasons so that she could be on his insurance.
So I signed the papers. Unbeknownst to me, my dad's lawyer was threatening the birth father that if he didn't sign away his parental rights, they would just say he abandoned her and then he would never be able to see her again.
Then the time came for the hearing. I asked my dad if I needed to come. He said no. A couple of weeks after the hearing was over was my daughter's birthday. My dad called me right as I was leaving to come to their house for her birthday party and told me that I might hear my daughter calling them mom and dad, and not to get upset. I told him that if I heard her saying that, I would gently correct her.. grandma, grandpa. He told me if I was going to do that just not to come at all! So I bit my tongue so that my daughter could have a good birthday.
A few weeks after that, he said that she wasn't going to come spend the night anymore. He said that she was "bad" after she got home from my house. Then after a while she wasn't even allowed to come to my house. My car was broken down and my dad lived in a very rural area (no public transportation) about 40 minutes from me. He said if I wanted to see her, I'd have to come there. He knew I had no way to get there and was just trying to cut all ties with me.
Then he stopped talking to me. He wouldn't answer the phone when I called and he never called me. He didn't return e-mails or voice mails.
I figured out WHY all this happened. My step-mother never had any children of her own. She figured she'd just keep mine.
Well, I'm now away from that awful guy that ruined my life, married to a wonderful man and mom again to one-year-old twins. I am ready to gradually bring my daughter back into my life, but my dad won't even talk to me. Can someone who is an expert in the legalities of adoptions please tell me what I can do? I feel that I was signing the adoption papers without the full understanding of what they meant, without legal counsel, and under duress. The child's father most certainly signed his under duress. Is there a way to get my WHOLE family back together again?
Elli in PA
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Considering all the legal papers were signed and the judge ordered the adoption to be final, I doubt if there's anything you could do. You would have to PROVE that there was fraud. I'm sure your dad would hire a good lawyer who would prove that you knew just what you were signing.
It's a shame your "parents" did this to you. :mad: The only thing that I would suggest is that you TRY to play their game, be the nice little daughter they want you to be, so you can still be part of your daughter's life. The alternative is that they don't speak to you and you're out of her life.
Good luck to you! Congratulations on your twins!
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Hi I have a son who's name is David .He was born on 02-22-1984 with Downs Syndrome iwas forced by DCFS of IL. i had him up until 06/85 the last time that i saw him was may 30th 1985.I have written a poem in hope that 1 day he will get the chance to read it.I tried to find him and i got a hold of dcfs of il and they got a hold of his parents and his parents told them to tell me that they will never tell him that he is adopted.So tell where do i go for here. Thanks Teresa
Well, let's see... they've had her for 2 years now. My dad gave me a list of ultimatums that he wanted me to acheive before he would consider giving her back. I've reached those. He wanted me to get married. I'm married. He wanted me to quit waitressing and get a "real" job. I have my own home business now, and it's quite successful. He wanted me to live in a house, not an apartment. I do. He wanted to see the house to make sure that it was clean and safe and all that for a young child. I've written him asking for his phone number and inviting him to come to my house so we can talk. No answer. So I have been the "good little daughter" and done jumped through every hoop he's put before me.
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Oh Elli how terrible for you! I have a feeling your dad and step-mom knew exactly what they were doing because adoption papers are not required to put the child on the insurance. At least not here in Texas. He could have had you sign a power of attorney which would have retained your parental rights but allowed him to make decisions for your daughter in the event you were unable to do so. Also, grandparents are allowed to put a grandchild on their insurance (at my insurance company) without retaining adoption paperwork from the birthmom.
My suggestion would be to find an attorney in your area who specializes in adoption or family law and who will provide a free initial consultation. This way you can talk to someone and get an idea on what your options are without any or very little out of pocket costs. An attorney who specializes in family law and/or adoption would be best qualified to tell you what recourse you have, if any. Keep written documentation of any and all attempts you have made to contact your father and what his responses have been. Also, write down everything that has happened from the beginning as best as you can remember it to have on hand to go over with the attorney. From now on, document document document. A written history will be your best defense in the future.
I wish you the best and send many prayers. Congratulations on your twins. What a wonderful blessing!
L.