BM wants to care for baby in hospital

Continue to give her your support and encouragement thats all you can do. I understand you must be feeling very scared of loosing another child but try not to let your fear cloud your relationship with her. As a birthmother I can tell you that it is hard to know what to do for the best. You go through all kinds of doubts about the babies future and somewhere in that you are trying to comes to terms with never being this babies mom. You know that the grief does not start with adoption. The grief starts the moment you decide to adopt. She may need some grief counceling. What kind of agreement did you make - closed or open? How old is the lady in question? You might try to join a support group, if you have not done so already. Will this be your first child? I am sorry that my answers are so birthmother orientated this is not to say that I don't understand your own pain in this - I do. Wanting a child badly and not having one is painful enough - just when you think your dream will come true there is a chance that she will change her mind. I wish you both peace in whatever the outcome will be. emm

I was adopted at birth and while I was in the hospital my bmom cared for me and even breastfed me. She carried me out of the hospital and handed me over to my parents. She said she did it because she wanted me to have the best start possible. I hope this makes you feel a little better. Everything happens for a reason.

I cared for my son in the hospital with the adoptive mother helping me. I didnt breast feed him, but pumped breastmilk for him for about 6 weeks after which an intermediary delivered. Extremely hearbreaking for me? Yes. But it was best for him so I did it. Every birthmother is different (I hate it when we all get lumped together). Each has to let go in her own way. Be patient and understanding of her needs. That is still HER baby until the papers are signed. If you get too pushy she may go with another couple who is more understanding. I know if my A parents had not been 100% supportive of my needs that I would have not placed with them.

My son's birth mother cared for him in the hospital as well for the first two days. We came and picked him up when it was time for them to be discharged. I looked at it this way...I wanted her to be SURE that she was making the right choice for her and "our" son. Unfortunately adoption doesn't come with guarantees. A birthmother really can't be sure about adoption until she holds her child (I believe). That time caring for the baby may be very important in her being sure that she is making the right choice. If she didn't she may wonder what if. When we picked up our son we spent a few hours with his birthmother. We have pictures of her changing him, feeding him, holding him, etc. I am very glad we were able to have those memories for him. I wish you the best. Of course you will worry. But try not to let your worry take away your joy of being an expectant parent.

Adoption is never a sure thing. You are at this time involved in the hardest part. Try to remain calm, yes I know it's impossible. But, in front of her that is a must. My wife and I lost our son at the hospital, only to be recalled 2 months later to pick him up. So stay brave and follow her lead, there is a reason she wants to place him. And a reason she chose you. So show her that you are confident enough with her decision, because this is the only time she has with him as hers. Tell har to take her time with him, sometimes it a healing process she must go through. Good Luck.

I know what you're going through, it's extremely distressing and anxiety provoking knowing that she wants to be with the baby the first night. Our birthmother did too, and I was very uncomfortable with that. However, I talked with the Social Worker, and she said it actually is a good thing - it gives them closure. I found that hard to believe, but I had to try and understand this, and just pray that she wouldn't change her mind. When the baby was born, we were in the room. When the baby was delivered, I stood next to her and I asked her during labor if she wanted to hold the baby first, and she said "yes", and then when she was holding her, she then handed her to me and I held her for a brief time then my husband. I felt odd in a way because it wasn't our baby - yet. So this was very early in the morning, and we waited those very painful hours that she had "rooming in" with her. I thought for sure it would change her mind. But it didn't, she said she was grateful to spend that time with her and just enjoy those precious hours with her and signed her papers without hesitation. It was bittersweet because I knew how hard it was for her, but once we left the hospital with the baby, we knew things were going to be ok. Like most have said, nothing is for sure, you just have to be optimistic, pray, and if you can, stay in close contact with her and keep a good relationship going, that will help her know she has a caring adoptive parent there for her and reassurance too that she's making the right decision. Now this of course is not the way all turn out. But, I would hope that she has received a lot of counseling to ensure she does want to place the baby and have faith in her that she will continue with her plan. I wish you luck, and I know it's so hard, but hang in there, I'm sure everything will be fine.

I was the first one to hold my baby, and I was the one who took care of my baby during our stay at the hospital. I would hope that you would respect the birthmother enough to let her have her time with HER child. We are talking about a woman who carried this child for 9 months. The least you can do is let her have some closure. You have a lifetime with this child. Let her create and cherish some memories with her baby.

Thanks for all of the replies. You have eased my mind about the birthmother wanted to care for the baby while she is in the hospital. I want to do whatever(to some extent) will help the birthmother with her decision. I will keep you posted;)