Question for those Parenting Large Families

Hello, I am the one who wants a large family. We are about to be approved for foster care and adoption. Should be the first of May! I have 2 step daughters that live with us. They are 11.5 and 4. I want 4 more kids. My husband wants one more for me since I cannnot get preg. He said we cannot afford 6 kids. I have a question to all of you who do have a lot of kids. DO you both work and if you do , do you work from your home? I know in my county, if I want to do foster care, it only pays 12.00/day and my husband said it is more than that to raise a child. I know they get the medical card, so medical costs if we foster them is covered. I He makes OK money. enough for our main bills.... I want to know from those who do foster care, does it cost a lot more then you get help with? I know kids need clothes a few times a year, but Wal-mart aloways has sales and then there is the yd sales in the summers.... Thanks for you info!! Cannot waite to be a MOM , and not just a "step!" We still deal with thier mom weekly! Kara IN Ohio

Kara, Congratulations on receiving your license! We are about to be licensed for adoption for the umpteenth time the beginning of May as well. We have a large family with many kids, birth and adopted. I do not work outside of the house, but I do think now and again about providing child care or some other part time business I could run from home just for the extra financial help. We get by just fine though and don't feel as though the sacrifices are all that bad anymore. Like you said, there are always sales to find and buying in bulk helps a lot too. There are a lot of lists out there on the Internet for large families and they offer lots of good information on how to pinch pennies and make everything work together. Do a search in the Yahoo forums on large families. Good luck! MBM

Well when I was growing up it was just my brother and I and the same for my husband with him and his brother. When he was 12 is when his little sister was born and there's such an age gap between them that they were never very close. With me and my other siblings I was already 15 when my twin sisters were born! And they didn't understand that I was even their sister. So then my parents remarried other people and I got step-siblings that were already teenagers. I, myself, was already grown and married. So it didn't feel like it would work at first. But let me tell you that if you count all my siblings together now there are 7 of us and although some of us are grown and there's still 2 at home that are closer to my own children's ages than mine.. it has worked out fabulously. We don't establish a roll as a "blended family" of step-half-biological. We're just a FAMILY. Plain straight. We're all several states away. But thank GOD for EMAIL!!!!!! haha And we see each other as often as we can. My husband and I only planned on having 3 children. And we accomplished that rather difficultly and with life-threatening complications and therefore it's not a possibility to PHYSICALLY enlarge our family. We have a tight-knit church group that we're active with and keep people close to us from our weekly Bible study/home fellowship. That has truely been a blessing because we're able to go and fellowship with other parents who have kids and let the kids play safely outside while we are able to encourage and lift each other up when we need each other. And that's been a major factor in determining our steps forward in trying to start fostering/adopting. We want to further our family growth and feel called to do it. And we have to pursue those friendships with people that we know will be dependable for us when we need them and have been then and be dependable for them as well. I can only say that keys to successful large parenting in my experience has been HUMOR..absolutely..never take life too seriously and humor is something your children will take on with them. COMMUNICATION.. if you're feeling down and alone and feel like you could use a break or even to be validated or praised for all your hard work..communicate that with your spouse or a close friend or relative. You'll be surprised that just by voicing those feelings that God placed in your heart is the best way to help things run smoother. And EVERYONE appreciates a HAPPY mom who is at peace with herself and her family. And next I would say ..PRACTICALITY. Yes, a large family is EXPENSIVE. But there are so many more practical things that you can do to enjoy time together and share with one another that don't cost anything and that will leave lasting memories for your children. It's all about a legacy. McDonald's is expensive when you take a large family but helping them all prepare a picnic and taking them to the park to eat and fly a kite and play chase or some fun game all of you ..parents included..shows that everyone is a kid at heart and helps a large family really learn how to cooperate and mesh better than most families who have trouble relating to others as they grow. And I'd say ORGANIZATION and having everything down to the little things organized makes everyone in the house less stressed ESPECIALLY MOM AND DAD!!!!! And last and most importantly I'd say PRAYER.. lots and lots and lots and lots and even more lots of prayer. heehee I think that no matter what we do we need to ACCEPT and ACKNOWLEDGE that we're not in control. We're only here for God's purpose and he has control of our lives. When we GIVE UP and tell him that we KNOW we can't do it without him he will bless us with the strength and energy and knowledge and wisdom that being a parent of a large family requires. I'm not preaching. Just sharing. Love to hear more about this topic as it is one close to my heart!

We are not yet raising a large family yet, but sure hope to! We have adopted twice and are hoping to adopt again. I was an only child for many years....I hope to give my children the chance to share childhood with more than one sibling....the chance to grow up and have lots of nieces/nephews, not to mention we would enjoy having several grandchildren!

hi everyone!well,im rasing my 9 younger brothers and sisters.ages 4-13,and ill tell you its not easy!my brothers josh,13 and kevin almost 11 help out.they help get their siblings to bed,make sure they get thier homework done,brush thier teeth,etc.josh and kevin also know how to do laundry,our mom taught them how beofre she died.we live in a huge house with several other people,so its not like theyre home alone.my sister kim and other brother kevin go to nursery school during the day,leaving em home with my 7 month old twin girls,karen and lisa.when the older kids(josh,kevin,micheal,jenny,and ashley)get home from school,the rule is to get your homework done before you watch tv,go anywhere,ao talk on the phone.and they know better then to cross me on this rule too.for fun we like to go to mets and yankees games,go to mcdonalds,go to the park,things like that.my brother josh likes going to the movies and roller skating,and im kind of strict on the kinds of movies they see.no r rated movies for josh,and g rated movies for the others.i love them all,and wouldnt trade them for anything in this world.:)

kelly, and anyone really... my husband and i are going to be adopting his half siblings, i was wondering if your nine are full and how well you knew them before you had them- have you adopted? also i am wondering any tips considering we do not have them yet...organization or personal sanity :) any advise would be great- and we dont know them hardly. thanks and God bless your family and your love!!

Hi! God bless you and your family. Your husband and his half siblings.... The 6 children we adopted are all under the age of 5. There are 2 sets of siblings and then 2 single boys. Thier are 5 boys and 1 girl. We were fortuanate to get them all before they turned 3 so that's a blessing. They all came from the county and are all drug babies. ..... I say that to say, we didn't know any of them when they came but fell in love with them as they were placed here as foster children. I wish I could give you some advice. I'm running like one of those rats on thier wheels. I'm trying to get my house organized, run them to school, doctors apts... it's alot. Now, I wouldn't trade it for the world but somedays..... like today, it's been rough! I have to stay in prayer. The biggest thing I think I need to do is learn to cook in bigger quantities or cook more meals in a day... that way I don't have to always figure out what we're going to eat that night.

Hi I'm new the forum and thought I'd chime in. We have five children ages 2-10. Bio son and daughter, two adopted daughters and one adopted son (all three bio siblings). Although my husband comes from a family with four children and I come from a family with five, I am finding this to be quite overwhelming. I live in an area where most families are of the 0 to 2 child kind and parenting doesn't seem to be the mad scramble for them that it is for us. With time and energy at such a premium, I feel that we have to be much more stern with our children, and it does seem as if we wind up heaping more responsibility on them than do others. Without any friends similarly situated, and family/relatives who have been disappointingly numb about this whole adoption thing, the most trying aspect of this whole process has been how hard we can be on ourselves. Compare Johnny down the street whose parents have the time to take him to soccer, scouts, band, and art for geniuses to our Jr. who is lucky to get to school on time with matching shoes. The kids all help with the baby and the other chores (or they are supposed to). What I would find helpful is an offer to take one or two of the kids to do something (movie, walk in the woods, swimming, stargazing, you name it). They get overwhelmed with the constant urgency of every moment and appreciate some quiet time without their other siblings. It also lightens the load at home. It's nice when other parents acknowledge as you try to set up a playdate that it would make sense for the parent with one child to pick the lucky sibling up rather than our having to pack everyone in the car to drop the child off. (not fair granted, but it's nice) :) Have to agree that it is also very nice to have the children treated as individuals. My 10 yr old daughter does not appreciate the parents of her 10 year old friends inviting her 7 year old sister along. I don't remember this happening when I was a kid with my younger sister, so I wonder if it isn't a "poor kid" sentiment toward my adopted daughter (she has no trouble making friends of her own). Anyway, I am in a stretched thin, Calgon take me away kind of place right now, so please forgive any cynicism. I love our choice to have a big family. Aaargh, just received call from SO. I have to go question four reasonably intelligent children why they decided to climb onto the roof of the garage when I very clearly said "don't do that [with explanation]" last week...

After reading your post I sat here thinking.. it would be nice if someone offered to take a child or two to the show, the park, play at thier house, etc... but what people do to me is.. they know these kids are adopted so they try an offer all this unwanted advice. Like, my kids are pretty wound up all the time, so when they bring the child back they have all these analogies and advice... instead of just spending the time with the child and bringing them back and leaving... they want to give me a detailed analogy as to why he/she acts out the way they do. It drives me crazy. I know the kids are wound up.. but it's not quite as simple as they try to make it. I'm get real anixious now when someone want's one of my kids to go over and play with thier kid. I've had to many comments I guess.

Hi! My name is Jenny. My husband and I have 4 adopted children ages 25,23,19 and 17. We also are foster to adopt parents. We have at present 8 foster kids. Only 11 live in the house, our daughter is married and lives about 1 hour away. We have a houseful and some days it is hard but I would not trade my life for anything!

Hi Jenny! I agree with you.... it is hard sometimes... I wouldn't trade my life either though. Tonight is a hard one. It's been raining here so the kids can't go outside and they have tried thier best to drive me crazy!! Mine are... two 5yos- a boy and a girl, two 4yos- both boys, one 3yo-boy, and a 2yo boy. Two sets of siblings.. the girl and the 2yo, and a 4yo boy and a 3yo boy. I've been trying to clean the house all day and got a little done.. but the more I clean the more they mess up behind me! Wow.. you sound like you really have your hands full... tell me.. what's your secret for organizing? And what about meals?

We have 5 children, 4 boys, 15,14,11 and 6months (bio) and our daughter adopted from Korea 23 months(home 8/03) Nap time is sacred at our house. I get the babies to sleep and then I rest on the couch. I don't do house work, laundry, etc... Our phone has caller id on it, so depending on who's calling I usually won't answer the phone. I have to leave it on in case the older boys need to get in touch with me. Right now we are in an unusual situation, my husband is just a few months from retiring from the A.F. and we decided rather than move the older children in the middle of the school year, as we can't afford to live in Ma., plus we didn't want to retire there, that the children and I would come to Fl. ahead of him back in July. He makes it home once or twice a month. We are half way through our 6 months seperation, yippee. SO not only do I have 5 children, but am new to the area. I quickly found a playgroup for the babies, plus a local church has a mother's day out program that our daughter goes to one day a week. The baby is on the waiting list. My advice is, if anyone offers to help, don't say no. The older boys quickly made friends with the neighbor kids, and their parents are willing to drive/pick up from school activities. Once I met them and felt comfortable with them it was easier to allow the boys to ride with them. My biggest problem at this point is that the babies aren't sleeping at night, so neither am I. The older children help with the babies, so that is a help, but I can't make them watch them all the time, because they have to have time of their own. But they are a big help. How many 14/15 yr old boys do you know that will change a poopy diaper?hahaha Sorry I'm rambling, adult conversation is the thing I miss most. If anyone is from the Emerald coast and would like to chat let me know. Shelley ps. if at all possible, DON"T GET BEHIND ON THE LAUNDRY!!!!!

With four sons, we can't wait to expand our family through adoption. We are officially waiting to be matched with a baby girl but would like to eventually adopt one more girl. With my sons, I have to stick to a schedule (now that they are older) but when they were younger, I felt as though I was living in the twilight zone. Today, they are very close, ranging in age from 14 down to 8. But they have been asking for a baby sister for a long time now and are just as anxious as we are! I would like to commend all of those with big families. While we chose to have a large family, it isn't easy but is is truly a blessing. God bless you all! And I always say, if you can juggle 3 then you can surely handle more! HEE HEE kllee

I am a stay-at-home mommy to 4 kids. My son is 5, then a 3 yr old daughter, a 2 1/2 yer old daughter (6 months apart!), and an 8 month old daughter. I am "on duty" 24/7 and my DH is a big help, but we don't go anywhere without our kids. Our children are very well behaved. We have one child with some health issues. She has epilepsy, but has been on medication and they stopped...none for nearly 8 months!!!! Hurray! The child with epilepsy also has developmental delays and although she is nearly 3, she only learned to walk this past Thanksgiving and her speech is behind. I have had her working with therapists since she turned one. We are very much alone in all this. No one seems to understand that we need a break...some alone time together. People, including family and including those who have had children, are AFRAID to watch them for us. They say it is "too much" and they would require help...at least one other person, but they tend to simply refuse when we ask. I do EVERYTHING I can to make it as easy as possible...everything is clean, the meals are ready, clothes set out, even a list of numbers and info about my daughter's medication doses and what to do "in case"...but it doesn't matter. Well, my daughter will always have epilepsy and we are not gettig any fewer kids, so I guess we will have dinner together in 2025. What upset me most is that when I had 3 kids, I was pregnant and had just moved...boxes, lifting, unpacking, and 3 kids including one large toddler who I had to carry because she couldn't walk. People always said "don't lift her"...but what else could I do??? THEY weren't picking her up! Plus, I had spinal surgery in '02 and lifting heavy stuff isn't the best plan. Anyway, 2 days after our move, I strted bleeding and had to go to the ER with a threatened miscarriage! I was put on "pelvic rest", but no one would come help me with the kids. Then, I had the baby via c-section...RECOVERY and my DH had to return to work about a day after I got home. So, I was recovering from birth and surgery and nursing a newborn AND caring for 3 other kids. And no one came to help. Then in mid December, our daughter starts having grand mal seizures...this was all new! My DH had the stomach flu and took her to stay for a week in the hospital and I was home with the stomach flu, a nursing infant, and 2 other kids and STILL no one would come and help...not even an OFFER! I had laundry up to my eyes because I was too sick to do it! Thankfully my Dad's girlfriend came up on Christmas Eve and we washed laundry all day. Finally, my husband worked his BUTT off all year (2005) to earn a trip to a conference in the Bahamas! We never went anywhere for our Honeymoon becuase of my screwed up back, so this was our big chance to do soemthing exotic and fun for us. We NEVER have even been on a plane together alone or have gone anywhere together alone! We were pumped! He earned the trip! We asked his parents to co-wathc the kids...even had neighbors lined up to take 1 or 2 for "play dates" and were fine with the uncles coming to help too...whatever! They said no. They said they were uncomfortable watching 4 kids (even though they had 3 kids!) and that was just too many kids and they didn't want to watch the one with epilepsy even though she had been totally fine for all of 2006! If it is "too much" for 2 people to do for 3 days, how do you think I feel doing it alone 24/7? We were asked if we could get the money for the trip instead of going, which we could not...we were told they should offer that option for "people in your situation"...people in our situation want some time together, alone, to be in love and be romanced, and be a COUPLE. Sigh. That hurt. Thankfully, we asked my Dad's girlfriend and she agreed...enthusiastically! She had 4 kids so she knows parents need a break every now and then and she and the kids had a wonderful time (we did too!!!)....no seizures! Too bad she lives so far away. We almost never ask for help and when we do, we 9 times out of 10 get a "no". So, what can you do to support a large family? Babysit. Get a buddy or 2 if you are nervous and send Mom and Dad out for the afternoon! Watch the kids in December so they can Christmas shop together! I hated seeing what DH bought for the kids and missing all the fun! I'd have LOVED to shop and have lunch! Watch them in the evening so Mom and Dad can have diner, see a movie, go dancing! Be available to stay late! I would welcome an overnight stay so we could be out later than 11 ;) I am in love with my husband. I just want time with him...that is best for both of us and our kids! Why don't people who should love these kids the most (family) understand that we love our kids, but we love each other too. We wouldn't take advantage...but we would appreciate every single second they are willing to watch our kids so we can connect. Knowing our kids are safe and with people we love and trust is PRICELESS!

OMIGOSH! I finally found you guys, I have been over on the foster-adopt forums and didn't know you all were here! I am so happy to see other people who are like me. I have 3 bio sons at home 16, 11, 2 years, 3 stepsons on their own 22,21, 19 years and 3 foster sons 11, 8, 4 years. I also have 3 grandsons too. Yes they are all boys. Any way 6 kids at home and so happy to see people talking about large families. My friends have 1 child each and constantly make fun of my lack of social life. They don't even call any more because with all the kids it is hard to talk on the phone. As for the original post I would say help your friend by offering to babysit or take the kids out to eat, bring over some pizza to give her a break from cooking, bring some jugs of juice or whatever. Nobody wants junky handme downs but when you have 6 kids most people would appreciate gifts. I know for us it is a really super tight budget and most of the fc $ goes to groceries. Ok, I will stop blabbing here and check out the rest of the threads.