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Last June, my sister and brother-in-law adopted a beautiful little girl. The woman who gave birth to her waived her rights and said that she didn't speak to the father and he didn't even know she was pregnant. They weren't married and his name does not appear on her birth certificate. The agency said that they had to inform him, but the birth mother said she didn't know where he was or how to contact him.
Today we received notice that this guy claims to be the father and is petitioning for custody of my niece. Evidently, this information came to him by way of the legal notices in the paper--as if anyone reads those things! It sounds too strange that after all of this time, he suddenly shows up. Of course, the woman who gave birth to my niece has already received payment in full.
Is there any chance that we won't lose this little girl?
What do I say to my 3 year old niece when she asks me where her sister is?:(
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Im afraid to say that if the father did not sign relinquishment papers, and he can prove that he is the father (DNA) you will most definetly lose. Fathers do (and rightfully so) have as many rights as birthmothers. I know this is very painful for your family, but in the long run, do you really want to keep a child knowing that it is not with the consent of their biological parents? How will you explain that to her when she grows up, reunites, and finds out she was adopted against his will?? You can hope and pray that never happens, but living in fear is no way to live. Adoption is about finding homes for children, not finding children for homes.
My heart goes out to you
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In our case our son's birth father was "unknown". We had to post in the paper for 30 days in our state and then go to court to have the birth fathers parental rights terminated...who ever he may be. My lawyer told me that doing it that way was legally binding because all potential fathers were given notice and had a period of time to come forward. I don't know what the laws are in the state in which your niece was adopted in are. But I would suggest your family discuss this with a lawyer.
Well, the day after I received this news we received a call from our lawyer. It turns out that this guy said that there is no way that the child could be his. He found out about it b/c his name was published in the paper. Now we're crossing our fingers that this is true. He is going to court on 4/1. I don't know what is going to happen there.
Shouldn't this have all been cleared up a long time ago? It seems as though waiting 10 months to work out these kinks is a long time.
If the BM says that this guy is the father, can he relinquish his rights without a DNA test?
Lol Pixie, I know this, as I went through an agency when we placed our daughter, But if tha'ts the case, (living expenses) then *I* personally think it should have been worded differently? Never knew that taking help was considered "payment" in full for one's child...Anywyas, I'll stop here...The wording just "rubbed me the wrong way"
Take Care
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for clarification: she recieved a stipend for the amount of time she took care of her child, medical expenses (NICU b/c she never went for prenatal care and didn't immediately go to a hospital when she gave birth), clothing allowances, & rent.
We have now found out that the birth mother is living with the "father" (who claims he isn't) once again. I guess I'm so upset b/c it seems as though we're totally being played throughout this adoption.
I may be totally off base here, but my impression is that there is a suspicion the whole thing was a scam. That he was there all along, and it was done to get the costs covered, without any intent to actually go through with it. But it sounds as if "dad" doesn't really want the baby, so he is denying paternity. I have no idea of the law, but if this is indeed the case, it seems criminal. If this isn't the case, disregard. Just the impression I got......Debi
PS If he IS the dad, and it can be proven he was there all along, there may be a way to press charges, as she claimed not to know where he was. Kinda hope i'm wrong!
I don't know what the laws are in your state, but in the state I live in publishing is done prior to the finalization of the adoption. Our state also requires that certified/return-receipt notices be mailed to any previously known address of the birthfather. The birthfather has 30 days to respond to the publishing or notices of the court date for tpr. If he does not respond his rights are terminated irrevocably. It sounds like further discussion is needed with the attorney to determine if everything was followed to the letter of the law.
Blessings,
I would think that this would be done and all TPR would be done prior to any finalization. My understanding of the process is that finalization cannot take place without that either voluntarily or by the court. Finalization should be just that....the completion of all steps required for permanency.
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We are also involved in what we believe is a scam. However, it's on the flip side (birth father's side). I've posted our story on the Texas Adoptive Parents Forum (Warning/Caution if Using Gladney). However, the gist is that my son was served with relinquishment papers at his high school. He thought they were an admission of paternity. He never read them he had just understood from his principal and the lady on the phone (who informed him for the first time that he was going to be a father), that he was signing was only admitting to being the baby's father. We feel it was a scam because The Gladney Home, the girl and her family and the assistant principal are the one's who set up for this meeting to take place at school. My son and our family have been involved in a legal battle ever since. However, during this time the baby has already been born. The girl and her family won't release any information about the baby to my son or to us. My son has called Gladney several times to try to find out if the baby is ok, if it's a boy or a girl and where the baby is. We don't know if the baby is in foster care since there is still a legal battle going on, or if the baby has already been turned over to the adoptive family. However, they have yet to release any info. to him.
Strosnstars comment that adoption if for finding homes for children and not for finding children for homes is what I strongly believe. I believe adoption is great if the child needs a home and everyone involved is aware and is in agreement. We feel as if the Gladney Home is so anxious to get this baby and place it for adoption, that they refuse to acknowledge that this baby doesn't need a home. He/she has a father that loves him/her and wants to help raise him/her and a great big family that would love him/her forever.
Strosnstars also made the comment that one day that child will grow up and know that their adoption was not consented to. From reading posts from adoptees, that in itself would be a hard thing to have to explain to a person when they grow up. I do wish you luck with your family situation. I honestly feel that it will all turn out the way God wants it too. Your family as does our family need to pray for strength in case it doesn't turn out the way we all hope.
L. Lucero