How a Little Humility Can Help You on Your Adoption Journey | Be Humble Day

Turning your heart outward, rather than inward, can help you find the strength you need.

Ryann Sefcik February 22, 2016
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Often when we think about being humble, images of meekness, timidity, and weakness come into our heads. Why would we want to celebrate those seemingly unattractive qualities in a world where bigger is better and louder always gets heard first? Let me throw a few other images your way: selflessness, putting others first, and doing something simply because it’s the right thing to do. This is humility, and this type of humility will help a lot on your adoption journey.

Instead of throwing yourself a pity party, think about or pray for your future child and the woman who is carrying him. While your journey is certainly hard, focusing on helping the journey of others can help you put everything into perspective.

Adoption is not for the faint of heart. You need to be strong and faithful, but you also need to remember that it’s not all about you. It is not about your desire to parent a child. It is not about how great your family will be at raising this child. It is not about what you want at all. Adoption is about love and about the child. Quite often, us potential adoptive parents become so wrapped up in everything we have to do before we adopt that it’s easy to forget the other people involved in adopting.

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The author with her son, Vincent, in the background, and his birth parents Lenny and Katy in the foreground. Love is the foundation of a great open adoption.

Be selfless, but not timid. Think about everyone else involved in the adoption before you think about your own needs. How can you help ease the pain for the birth parents? How can you support your spouse and family members throughout this journey? How can you educate the public on appropriate adoption language and vocabulary? When you really think about it, a birth mother’s decision to place her child for adoption is about as selfless as it gets. But it’s not a timid or weak decision. It takes tremendous strength to give birth and walk out of the hospital without that baby. It takes tremendous strength to realize that your home and the care you could provide will not be what you feel is the best or most appropriate care for your child.

“He’s so lucky to have you.” That’s a phrase many adoptive parents hear so often, and while the sentiment is nice, the opposite is actually true. We are lucky to have him. We are the ones who are truly blessed. And when you humble yourself, you realize that while the journey to becoming a parent has been filled with peaks and valleys, and the wait to adopt a child can be excruciatingly long and anxiety ridden, it becomes easier to deal with when you are not focusing all of your attention on yourself, and instead putting it towards your future child. Instead of throwing yourself a pity party, think about or pray for your future child and the woman who is carrying him. While your journey is certainly hard, focusing on helping the journey of others can help you put everything into perspective.

As adoptive parents, we can learn from the strength of others as we prepare to parent a child born to another woman. It’s not all about us, it’s about the love everyone has for our child, and we need to think less about ourselves and more about the amazing gift we all have been given. The gift of being Mommy and Daddy. The gift of being able to love unconditionally. The gift of being chosen as parents. That’s where our focus should lie, not on ourselves, but on the beautiful gift we have been given.

If you’re ready to begin your adoption journey, click here to speak with a professional about domestic infant adoption. 

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Ryann Sefcik

Ryann Sefcik never intended to be a writer but has always loved storytelling. Since she was 8, Ryann has performed on stages all over Northeast Ohio, using scripts and songs to tell the stories of different characters, but now it’s time for her to tell her own. Ryann began blogging with a friend at Betrothed Babies Blog after they both became moms 10 days apart from one another—one through pregnancy and one through adoption. As an adoptive mom and a step mom, Ryann personifies the thought that love, not blood, is what makes a family. By day, Ryann is an elementary music teacher and directs a children’s choir as well as a middle school drama club, but her favorite job is taking care of her three boys: ages 8, 6 months, and 35 (Her husband—he requires the most adult supervision!) She hopes to be able to bring comfort, joy, laughter, and empathy to the Adoption.com audience through her writing.


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