First, let me say this. About six years ago, sitting at the kitchen table with Chris eating dinner. I was in tears and crying really hard because I had gotten my period, again. We had been trying to conceive (TTC for the fertility blog experts among us) for two months . He told me, square in the eyes that if every month was going to be like a miscarriage, we would not be trying to conceive anymore. This was supposed to be fun and I was ruining it.
Here is my response to that. Imagine it filled with snotty tears and anger. Lots of anger…. WE ARE ADOPTING! Never touch me again….
I would like to say that it was that easy and the TTC lifestyle became bearable for us or that we abandoned it all together that evening. We did not and that journey was not easy or pretty. During the next several years, we began gathering all of the fertility information you need to make a decision about keeping up that TTC life, praying for a BFP (Big Fat Positive) or to move on. It took some time for us to get definitive answers. I am so thankful that we got definitive answers. So many couples in our position do not have that gift. Long story short, we cannot create biological children together. I suppose there was hope or more science to try, but overall we were more comfortable with that definitive. That TTC life was not for us. By not pursuing more invasive fertility treatments, I felt free for the first time in a long time. Chris needed the fertility answers more than me. I needed to be a momma like 3+ years ago. Adoption became our reality.
It was never about biological children for us. This is after years of discussing at length what is really important to us. It was more about figuring out all of the information about our fertility before committing to a path for building our family. I do have large ongoing feelings about not experiencing pregnancy (read all about it). To be pregnant with non-biological children is possible with snowflake adoption (just an FYI). That option seemed too complicated for us at that time. Adoption was the journey we chose. For us, it was always on the table. The kitchen table. The same one we eat at every day with our son now.
Coming to the decision to build our family through adoption for us was somewhat simple. We needed all of the information about our fertility first or lack thereof. From that point, we felt like we had wasted enough time TTC to pursue anything other than adoption. In the end, we took the path that seemed like the most direct route to what mattered the most ,which is what the goal was the entire time.