How I Wish I’d Handled My Adoption Wait

Hurry and wait. Hurry and wait. The adoption process is full of ups and downs, fasts and slows, and unknowns. When you’ve handled a lot, it can be overwhelming. 

During the home study, you are busy completing paperwork and visits. You feel like you are “making progress” accomplishing items and everything is in your control for the most part.

But then the home study gets finalized and now what? You wait. You wait for either a birth mother to become matched with you or you wait for your dossier to be processed in a foreign country. So you wait. Basically, everything at this point is out of your control.

My husband and I adopted our daughter domestically. It was an unforgettable experience, and I love every minute with our daughter. I thought I did everything right. I was on top of all of the paperwork and was in constant contact with our adoption agency. But looking back, there are some things I would have done differently:

I would have stayed active with healthier alternatives to worrying, like volunteering or starting a hobby. After our home study was finalized, I continued working, but I was consumed with wondering if today was going to be the day we would get a phone call about a birth mother. Looking back, I would not have allowed that to happen.

I also would have spent more time with my husband, not taking our one-on-one time together for granted.

I also would have allowed for more support from friends and family when we had a failed match. We were matched with a birth mother for about three months, and she decided to parent the day before we were supposed to meet her at the hospital. Many people wanted to support us in any way that they could, but I didn’t want their help at that time. Looking back, I can see that allowing those people to step into my life and offer their support would have probably been the best thing that could have happened.

Obviously, like any life experience, it is easier to look back at something than it is while you are experiencing it in the present. I know every adoption story is different. So the biggest advice I can offer is to stay yourself and don’t let anyone change you or tell you what to do.