How Pregnancy Has Changed My View of Birth Moms

How a surprise pregnancy helped one woman see birth moms differently.

Shelley Skuster February 25, 2016
article image

I remember the day the doctor told me I was pregnant.

I remember it like yesterday.Pregnancy View

We had just moved to a new city. I wasn’t feeling well and had to GPS my way to the clinic where a strange doctor insisted I take a pregnancy test despite my medical history filled with painful years of infertility treatments.

“Congratulations!” she said minutes after I reluctantly peed in a cup to appease her. “You’re pregnant!”

My world spun. I cried in disbelief. Shock. And worry.

I actually thought I was going to pass out.

After years of infertility and finalizing the adoptions of our two beautiful daughters—both under the age of two – our family was happy. We were still getting into a routine after relocating for my husband’s job, but we were comfortable.

And then suddenly it all changed.

Right there in that doctor’s office, everything changed.

This baby wasn’t planned, but her heartbeat and flutters in my belly were certainly a welcome blessing.

And as I’ve walked through the past nine months experiencing the miracle of pregnancy, I’ve realized it’s amazing and beautiful and hard. Pregnancy is worrisome, sometimes uncomfortable, and it can be downright complicated.

But I cannot imagine how worrisome, uncomfortable and complicated it would be had we not been in a season to parent our baby.

For months, I’ve gone to doctor’s appointments earlier than people drink their morning coffee (Caffeine? What caffeine?). I’ve been pricked and prodded and my blood poured into more vials than I can count. I’ve been measured and weighed and told, “Eat more,” and then, “Okay, eat less.” I’ve made after-hours calls of panic after eating certain foods or feeling certain pains; I’ve swigged my prenatal vitamins with a side of anti-nausea meds well into the second trimester.

As consuming as this temporary lifestyle has been for me emotionally and physically, I cannot fathom what it would be like to place my baby girl in the arms of another mother. To go through all that pregnancy entails – the amazing, the beautiful and the hard – and not take her home with me.

Being pregnant has changed my view of birth moms.

Not only do I have a new level of understanding with what some of these women experience while carrying a child—the hormones, the swollen feet, the intense cravings for Hot Tamales – I feel like I have an even deeper respect and appreciation for the decision they make at the end of the journey.

Having carried a baby inside of me, I have even more admiration for a birth mom’s ability to say, “I love you, child. So much so, that even though I’ve spent nine months taking care of you and feeling you flutter in my belly, I want you to have more than I can give you right now.”

That’s love. That’s unconditional, selfless love.

And that sacrifice—that deep, true sacrifice for the love of her child – will never be forgotten by me.

author image

Shelley Skuster

Shelley is a former award-winning television journalist who traded in suit coats and red lipstick for a messy bun and yoga pants. She's a freelance writer who stays at home with her three daughters who are all ((gasp)) under the age of three and came to her via adoption and birth. She's the woman behind the blog Shelley Writes, and she can also be found on Facebook and Twitter.

Need help from an unplanned pregnancy professional?

Love this? Want more?

Claim Your FREE Adoption Summit Ticket!

The #1 adoption website is hosting the largest, FREE virtual adoption summit. Come listen to 50+ adoption experts share their knowledge and insights.

Members of the adoption community are invited to watch the virtual summit for FREE on September 23-27, 2019, or for a small fee, you can purchase an All-Access Pass to get access to the summit videos for 12 months along with a variety of other benefits.

Get Your Free Ticket