How to Deal With a Bad Adoption Day

Today we're celebrating 'Have a Bad Day' Day!

Annaleece Merrill November 01, 2017
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Some days adoption stinks. Maybe you’re feeling isolated because being adopted makes you “different.” Maybe you’re grieving the loss of your birth child. Maybe your adopted child just yelled “You’re not my real mom!” Maybe you’ve been waiting so long to adopt, you don’t think it will ever happen. Adoption is hard for everyone some days. Here are 4 ways to deal with a bad adoption day:

Allow yourself to have a bad day.

Adoption doesn’t have to always be sunshine and rainbows to be beautiful. You don’t have to like it every day to like your life. Feeling guilty for having a tough day won’t help you – it will only cause you to bottle up feelings that need to get out. In order to have a good day tomorrow, sometimes you need to have a bad day today. And that’s okay.

Talk about it.

It’s okay to have needs. Reach out to your child’s adoptive family and ask for a picture. Vent to your spouse about how hard the wait to match is. Call your best friend and talk about how being an adoptive mom is hard. Text your mom, get an appointment with your therapist, start a diary, it doesn’t matter. Working through emotions is often more productive and efficient if you talk to someone.

Cry it out.

Everyone needs a good cry sometimes. Crying releases endorphins; it really does help you feel better. So cry and yell. And then get up and keep going – you’re tough.

Take a breather.

Sometimes getting so invested in adoption is exhausting. Take a break, do something you love. Take a bath or go for a walk. Adoption doesn’t need to be in the forefront of your mind all the time. Such an emotional topic will exhaust you if it’s all you think about.

It’s okay to have a bad adoption day. But that’s all it is – a day. One bad day doesn’t mean adoption isn’t for you. Keep this one day in perspective. It will end, and soon it will be just be a memory. It won’t hold a candle to the many wonderful adoption days ahead.

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Annaleece Merrill

Annaleece Merrill is a birth mother to the cutest little girl on earth. She loves being an advocate for open adoption by writing, mentoring, and speaking at adoption panels. She attends Utah State University in Logan, Utah.


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