Facing an unplanned pregnancy humbled me beyond anything other experience in my life. I never had any close encounters with adoption before this, so my adoption journey seems confusing. The further I got into the pregnancy, however, the clearer it became that this sweet boy was not to be raised by me.
Let’s start with logic. I was working part-time, minimum wage. Barely making enough to feed me and keep a roof over my head. Let alone if something happened to my car or if there was a medical problem. I didn’t even have health insurance at this time. Statistically speaking, having a child while living in poverty, the chances of staying in poverty are pretty high.
Being a single mother isn’t ideal, while it’s possible and I know many people who are single parents (and wonderful at being a single parent) I couldn’t help but think this child needed two.
Another point of view, if the birth father decided to accept responsibility and co-parent (marriage was out of the question), my child would live in a complicated home. I didn’t know the birth father very well, but I knew enough about him to know that his lifestyle was not compatible with caring for a child. If he played his cards right, I wouldn’t have a choice and would have to allow my child to be raised by him.
Less logical, but just as important, was how I felt about it all. I didn’t have any close connection to adoption before I became a birth mom.
I walked into the agency soon after learning I was pregnant. This agency does more than adoption, they help single and pregnant women. I walked in looking for help, they helped me find an ObGyn, get health insurance, food in my cupboards, counseling. They helped.
Soon, they recommended I attend a weekly group counseling of other single and pregnant women or women who have previously been single and pregnant. I wasn’t alone, for the first time I felt like people understood what I was feeling. Adoption became the more and more obvious choice. So allow me to tell you why it was right for me.
It was right for me because I was broke, barely employed, emotionally unstable, and wanting a better life for my child. I knew it was the right choice for me because I found a couple that so desperately wanted a child, and was willing to accept not only my son but me into their lives. Even now, 8 years later, I’m even more part of their family than I ever have been. It was right for me because I became a mother the moment I found out I was pregnant, and, to me, a good mother does whatever she can to provide the best life for her children, even if it’s hardest for her.
