To: Infertile Me

A letter I wish I could send to myself 6 years ago when I was feeling lower than low with my struggles with infertility.

Kira Mortenson July 25, 2014
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Dear Infertile Me,

I remember you very well. I remember how you are feeling right now like it was yesterday.  I do not miss the time of my life that you are going through right now.

I remember wondering, “If I’m can’t be a mother, what am I?” I remember seeing so many others getting pregnant so easily and wondering what I did wrong in my life to deserve such a challenge. I remember feeling like nothing could be worse in the world than this trial. I remember feelings of guilt that my body was the problem, that my husband made a mistake marrying me, and that maybe I wouldn’t be a good mother anyway.

My Wedding Day

Well self, I have to tell you a few things.

Someday, you will wake up in the morning and the first thing you do will not be taking your temperature to see if you are ovulating. And when you go to bed at night, the last thought you have will have nothing to do with fertility.

Someday, this pain that you feel right now will feel like a pin prick that comes and goes instead of a giant hammer. Time is a great healer.

You will be a mother, and it will be even better than you can imagine.  You will be a better mother for going through this experience than you would have been otherwise.  You will be so in love with your children that you think your heart will burst sometimes.
With Grant

You will also find that being a mother is harder than you ever could have imagined.  And all those things you swore YOU would never do as a mother . . . you will do every one of them at some point.
Trying to get a good picture with the kids

Right now you think that this is the hardest part of your life, and that if you can just have a baby, than no other trial will ever be able to touch you. But that is not true. Other challenges will come and they will hurt too. This experience will make you stronger, though, and more able to face other challenges in your life.

Right now it is hard to be near your best friend who just found out that she is surprisingly pregnant with twins. Keep planning her baby shower and let the feelings of happiness you have for her outweigh the feelings of jealousy. Stay close to her as she will be one of your biggest supports in building your own family. Don’t shut out your wonderful friends and family even though it feels like the easiest and safest option.

Me with my good friends

You will make it through this.  You will be happy again.  And if you look around you, you’ll realize you are happy now too, despite this pain. Ignore those who tell you to “just go on vacation and you’ll get pregnant.” Stay close to those who support you.  Hang on to your husband and see how you become closer through this hard time.
Mike and me at Disneyland

The positives will outweigh the negatives and you will come out on top. Just don’t give up. You will find your children, but it will take a lot of work, tears, money, and frankly, a very open mind.

It is 100% worth it.  I promise.
me with Jossy

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Kira Mortenson

Kira became a mother through adoption twice and once through a high-risk pregnancy. She and her husband opened their hearts to open adoption five years ago and now enjoy a beautiful relationship with their children's birth mothers, who are best friends, and their son's birth father. She has served as a co-chair for a chapter of Families Supporting Adoption, and enjoys doing adoption presentations for schools in her community. When she isn't changing poopy diapers and making mac n cheese, she spends her time teaching dance, attempting to exercise, and spending time with her husband, Mike. Instagram ID: Kiralm

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