“I hope our babies have your eyes”. This was a phrase I said to my husband Ty on more than a few occasions. When Ty and I decided shortly after getting married that we wanted to have a family I was all but obsessed about a little ‘mini Ty’ or ‘mini Maren’ and their looks. Had Pinterest been on my radar then I can guarantee I would have been filling your feed with all things baby. From the perfect bedding to organic homemade baby food, I would have searched it all out.
After beginning the path to parenthood a few short months after marriage we hit roadblock after roadblock. Each time we took one step forward it felt like our bodies took two steps back. It all came to a head a month or so before Ty was set to leave for boot camp. A reproductive endocrinologist gave us some grim news: It was going to be downright impossible for us to conceive. Not only was Ty sterile, but I also had very few good eggs left and a roaring case of endometriosis. The day we got the news it hit us like a ton of bricks. Barely functioning we went to a local aquarium and spent time wandering all over.
Shortly after our infertility diagnosis (I’ll spare you the nitty-gritty details on the lab mishaps and the office’s poor communication) we talked about a conversation we had early on in our relationship, before marriage. Ty was driving and I was babbling like I normally do when I’m tired or nervous. I told him I wasn’t sure what our future would be in the kid’s department. Ty’s response shocked me. “We’ll adopt”. He went on to explain how two of his cousins joined the family through adoption and how his mom was adopted as a young teen. I was floored to have such an amazing open-minded husband. At the time of the conversations, we didn’t think anything of it. Adoption was still a novelty of sorts in our minds. Little did we know our baby boy would join our twosome via adoption.
Fast-forward a year. After weighing the pros and cons of various agencies and game planning how we could afford an adoption we made that jump into the world of adoption. I felt like I was leaping out of a plane without a compass or a well-packed parachute. My stomach was in my throat and my heart constantly pounding.
We started slowly with an orientation class and took our time with the other paperwork as Ty was preparing for another training out of state. With each question we answered I realized that we were quickly locking the deadbolt on a little one that bore any resemblance to either of us. He/she wouldn’t have Ty’s blue eyes, smirk, or forehead that turns into a five head (think about it… you’ll get it haha). He/she wouldn’t have my dimple, nose, or popping hip. Those were never things I was caught up on but they were things I had to fully let go of. I had to prepare myself that while our souls may be matched our looks likely wouldn’t be.
While adoption has made me a very proud mother it hasn’t changed my infertility. I learned fairly early on that I couldn’t let something like infertility be the dark cloud over my parenthood. Instead, it was the windy topsy turvy road that helped me get where I needed to be. Now as far as coming to terms with our child not having any of our looks, our LT has eyes just like Ty and he has a dimple in his right cheek just like me. I’d say he’s a perfect match!
