My daughter is on fire. First she punched the boy that was kicking her. Now she’s handled two girls that keep trying to get her in trouble. Kaylyn has stars in her eyes, she’s so proud of herself. I’m pretty proud of her myself.
Two girls- who claim to love Kaylyn and be her best friends- are forever trying to get her in trouble just for fun. Until recently, Kaylyn fell for it every time. On Monday, they tried it again. This time, Kaylyn was ready. She used humor in a way we had role-played and came home higher than a kite because it worked! The girls left her alone! We spent half an hour in girl-talk on my bed enjoying her triumph. I had never felt closer to her, and I think she would say the same thing of me.
It just so happens that the mother of one of these girls is a good friend of mine. Or was a good friend until Monday. I had mentioned to my friend that her daughter was encouraging Kaylyn to create fake accounts on Facebook (not one but two) and other petty manipulations. Wouldn’t you know it? My friend chose that very Monday afternoon, as Kaylyn and I were sitting on my bed reveling in the triumph of her boundary-setting, to call and tell me she had spoken with her daughter, and it was all lies. My friend informed me that Kaylyn was the one lying. I thought it was a good idea when she offered to come to my house with her daughter so that we could all talk together. It turned out to be a very bad idea with a bitter-sweet blessing at the end.
I am the first one to call Kaylyn on any lying or misbehaving. In this case, I knew for a fact that she was telling the truth. Those stars in her eyes were real. She was thrilled that she had stood up for herself. None of that was fake. I have a very good nose for fake as most mothers do.
Unfortunately, Kaylyn’s bully-who-called-herself-a-friend maintained her story to the end that it was Kaylyn that was lying and she had never done anything wrong. Her mother believed her daughter. I would say that’s understandable except that I’m the first one not to believe Kaylyn when she’s lying, so I know it’s possible for mothers to be objective. This mother wasn’t. In fact, I could hardly believe my eyes that she was mouthing the word “liar” to my daughter as Kaylyn was giving her version of events. It shocked me. That and the completely disrespectful way her daughter spoke to me in my own home. When her mother didn’t check her, I informed her she wasn’t to speak to me that way. My friend said, “This is ridiculous” and got up to leave. But not before mocking my parenting in front of the girls.
The bitter-sweet blessing is that I lost a friend who apparently wasn’t really a friend at all BUT Kaylyn and I have never been closer. I believed her, I backed her up in front of the firing squad, and I chose her over my former friend. As the counselor said, I was the mother eagle that spread her wings to protect my child. In the end, my friend and her daughter did us a favor. Kaylyn set a healthy boundary and feels great about herself. She trusts me and knows I love her (something she’s always anxiously doubted) because of how I backed her up. We’re on a whole new mother-daughter level.
Sometimes things have to fall apart to come together.
Photo credit: true-wildlife.blogspot.com/bald_eagle-wingspan-1024×768.jpg