My Journey as a Birth Mom Taught Me Something Huge

Refusing to Be Silenced: A Birth Mom's Journey of Healing (Conclusion to the Series, Part 21)

Lisa Taylor September 26, 2015
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Read the previous article in this series: A Birth Mom Interviews Her BIrth Son About His Adoption Journey

There are numerous reasons a woman considers placing a child for adoption. Whether she is single or married, a teenager or not, with a good support system or not so much, the ultimate decision to abort, keep, or place is one that will haunt her for the rest of her life. For me, I was 16 years old, with a loving, supportive family and an awesome boyfriend. I was simply too young. It was 1984 and choosing to place was a forever deal—closed and sealed with no choice about who the parents would be and with no option of ever seeing your baby again. This is my story about grief and healing but most of all, about love. I dedicate this series for all birth moms, whether their adoption was closed, partial, or open, for their sacrifice and grief and loss that is so profound and so deep and complex that even their closest loved ones don’t truly understand. May you find healing and peace.

Love.

What has my adoption journey taught me?  Love.  It’s that simple.

10645132_811750252273645_1202578201212488875_nI have learned of the deep, selfless love of mothers. 

They give their bodies to carry and grow a child and in the process of birth come nigh unto death, but willingly do it to bring a child into the world because their love is so powerful—even before they see their child—that they would do anything for them.

Because of this mother’s love, some mothers are willing to live with a shattered soul in order to give their child what they are not able—a stable home and parents. For those who lived in the era of closed adoptions, this meant total trust in God.

I have learned that a birth mother’s grief is deeper than anyone realizes.

I have learned of the sweet joy that occurs when another woman carries your child, but that the connection is just as strong as if she had given birth to the child herself.

Adoptive mothers are the “real” mothers.

Birth moms never stop loving their birth child.

I have learned of the perfect love of our Heavenly Father.

In a sense, God is a birth parent.  He gave His only begotten son to another man for a time.

God loves each of His children enough to have given His son and allow His son to suffer the atonement and crucifixion so that each of us has the opportunity to live, to learn, and to be happy.

God knows each of His children individually and loves them completely.

God doesn’t care what a child has done; he is always willing to help them no matter what, where, and why. He is always there and never abandons His children.

God, our loving Heavenly Father, has a special place in His heart for all those in the adoption triad.

I have learned of the love of family.

My parents have always been there for me, even though I have broken their hearts. They helped me to pick up the pieces and have been my greatest supporters and fans.

There are guys out there who will look beyond a girl’s past to see who she is now and will love her for that.

The greatest joy in my life has been my opportunity to be the momma of three great human beings who have been with me from their first breath.

Families come in lots of configurations that are wonderful just the way they are—and can be full of love even if things are complicated.

Just because someone doesn’t share the same genetics as their family doesn’t mean that they are any less of a family, or there are any fewer ties or less love between the members.

Just because someone didn’t grow up with their biological family doesn’t mean that those ties aren’t real. Most birth parents and birth children have a desire to know each other.

Just because someone didn’t grow up with a family doesn’t mean that once they are reunited they are less part of their biological family.

Two families can share one child with a complete love (but there is still only one mom and one dad, and that is the adoptive parents).

I have learned that genetics are strong.

Come and hang out with my family and you’ll be amazed at how alike all four of my children are.

I have learned that grandmas are silly about all of their grandchildren, no matter if they raised the parents or not.

I have learned to love myself.

I am so grateful for my adoption journey because it forced me to figure out what was truly important to me, and that I was one tough woman as long as I lived by this: “I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me” (see Phillipians).

I have learned that God is perfect, so he makes perfect things. He created me, so I am perfect just the way I am. By hating myself, I am telling God that I don’t believe in Him. By not only tolerating or accepting myself but by loving myself, I am showing my Heavenly Father that I love Him, trust Him, and have faith in Him.

I have learned that I do not have to allow society to silence me. I am a birth mom. I had a baby out of wedlock. I was a teenager. I have nothing to be ashamed of. I have learned from my experiences and try to use them to help others.

I am not limited to what society thinks I am or what I will become. My choices and my mistakes may make my journey longer or more difficult, but I still can reach my destination if I am strong, a little bit (or a lot) stubborn, and make the path that is right for me. It shouldn’t be the same path as everyone else’s.

So, who am I? I am Dr. Lisa Cornia Taylor. I am a highly educated, talented, adventurous, silly, sensitive, creative, strong woman. I love Birkenstocks, earrings, writing, traveling, books, movies, plays, chocolate milk, Harry Potter, technology, and card making. I dislike intolerance, dishonesty, pickles, people who don’t use their turn signals, grape-flavored anything (but I like grapes), and those who judge people who wear socks with Birkenstocks. I am a child of God and my best friend is Jesus Christ. Even though I am pretty excited about my newly earned title of “doctor,” my favorite titles are Mom, Grandma, Lisy, and Sister Taylor.  I have a thing for frogs, lady bugs, and daisies. My dogs bring me unmistakable joy, and I often enjoy their company more than most people.  I am all these things and more, and I just so-happen to be a birth mother, too.

The first article in this series can be found here.

To read this author’s previous series, Silenced by Society, A Birth Mom’s Tale, click here.

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Lisa Taylor

Lisa is a long-time educator with a doctorate degree in educational leadership and curriculum and instruction (Ed.D/CI). She is also a writer, public speaker, and educational trainer in such topics as leadership, new teacher training, effective teaching, program development, implementation and evaluation, bullying, personality types, relationship building, teamwork, and how to make your school/business a place where people want to work. Her passion, however, is writing and speaking about faith, families, motherhood, being a better wife, and adoption. As a birth mom who was reunited with her son through Adoption.com, she is an advocate for adoption and loves helping women who are considering placing their child for adoption.


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