Our son was three-and-a-half when we started the process for adopting another baby. Before we even began talking to him about adopting a new baby, he would ask, “Where is my baby sister?” My husband and I would just look at each other in complete shock. We were very careful to not talk about adopting another baby until we had been approved. I believe God gave him that intuition. When we finally started talking about having another baby, we read a lot of children’s books to him. Most of the books were about having a new sibling. The others were about adopting.
Books helped us with talking about adoption with our son. We asked him if he wanted a new baby sister or brother. He’d always say he wanted a baby sister. I would tell him that there was a baby growing inside a birth mommy’s tummy and when the baby was ready to be born, the agency would call us. This caused him to ask many questions.
One day he asked me why the baby didn’t grow in my belly. I told him, “Mommy can’t grow a baby in her tummy, so we are going to adopt a baby.” We told him that there was a birth family out there that could not take care of the baby, so they chose us to be the baby’s mommy and daddy.
When we were chosen, our son went with us to meet the birth mom. The birth mom had another child too, so they were going to play. All we told him at this point was that we were going to meet Ms. Nicole and she was going to have a baby. We explained to him that she may want us to adopt her baby. During the whole process we were very honest with our son. My husband told him that Ms. Nicole may chose to keep the baby and that was okay. Our son seemed perfectly okay with that.
The day our birth mom went into labor I told our son the baby was ready to be born. We were going to the hospital to see how Ms. Nicole was doing. I kept reminding him that she may want us to take the baby home and she may not. We didn’t want him to get too excited, or expect us to bring home a baby. I know several adoptive parents that do not tell their young children they are going to adopt. I was very protective of my son and did not want him to get hurt. We only wanted to prepare him for what was going to happen. Eventually we were going to have another baby.
How you talk about having another baby all depends on the age and maturity of your child. Even though our son was only three-and-a-half, he understood a lot. I think we did a good job preparing him for a sibling. It is very important to be honest with your child. Let your child know the birth mom could change her mind. I recommend finding a variety of books on adoption and having another baby.
Our son’s intuition was right. He did get a baby sister.