This article is authored by a father who experienced open adoption through the foster care system, offering insights and advice from that perspective.
Many, many decades ago, adoptees had no choice but to accept the reality of a closed adoption. A closed adoption is where neither party in the adoption triad has access to the others’ information. The files were, in effect, closed. Foster parents had no contact with adoptive parents, and adoptive parents had no relationship with biological parents. There was no contact, no information, no historical data, no photos—nothing. Adoptees would have to wait until they turned 18 to obtain information if the parents wanted to be found. The main reasons for closed adoption can be:
1. Provide safety for the child.
2. Prevent multiple parents to navigate.
3. Create anonymity and privacy for the biological parents, especially if it is a private, infant adoption.
An open adoption, on the other hand, is where an adoptee and their biological family continue contact even after the adoption is finalized. In cases of foster to adoption, many of these visits have already occurred when the child was in foster care; they may continue after the child is adopted. The contact is voluntary for both the adoptive parents and the biological family and is determined by the best interest of the child.
Adoption Communication Agreement
An open adoption is guided by an Adoption Communication Agreement. This is a legal document that varies from state to state (it may not be enforceable in all states). They are only available to biological parents who do not have a protective order from their biological children. This document may be drafted and negotiated by attorneys, approved by the courts, and signed before the adoption is finalized. The agreements can benefit all parties involved and can be renegotiated in court if necessary.
The agreement outlines what type of contact both parties agree to. Will it be annual greeting cards at Christmas? Or phone calls? Or face-to-face visits? It also details how often the visits are to take place. Weekly? Monthly? Quarterly?
The agreement also describes a continuum of contact between biological parents and adoptive children. It should describe the level of comfort that both parties have with contact. For example, on one end of the spectrum, an adoptive parent may only feel comfortable with cards and letters on a yearly basis. On the other end of the spectrum, an adoptive parent may feel comfortable with home visits, phone calls, etc., on a daily or weekly basis. There are many factors in determining this including past relationship with the biological parents and overall safety of the child.
Pros:
There are positive reasons for having an open adoption. Many open adoptions are successful and benefit all members of the adoption triad. Here are some open adoption insights:
- Adoptees have access to their medical history. It’s important to be aware of any family history of cancer, heart disease, hearing loss, vision issues, and allergies. Additionally, knowing about mental illnesses, such as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, is important since these conditions often don’t manifest until puberty.
- Open adoptions allow families to ask questions regarding medical history, heritage, family members, and curiosities without relying on the adoption file or going through the adoption agency.Open adoption is great for maintaining cultural pride and ties with biological families, allowing adoptees to stay connected to their heritage. It fosters a sense of identity and belonging by preserving relationships with biological relatives. Additionally, open adoption helps adoptees maintain ties with their birth countries, enriching their cultural understanding and pride.
Cons:
Open adoption can present unique challenges; however, simple communication can be your number one tool. Here are some hardships you may facein an open adoption:
- No-shows might happen. If biological parents choose not to attend a family visit, the child may interpret the behavior as rejection. Communication and counseling can be great resources to address trauma.
- Lifestyle differences or changes that may put the child’s safety at risk are a possibility. If you are concerned that your child is unsafe during your visits, you may choose to revisit the terms.
- Open adoption can be challenging because it requires recognizing that everyone involved needs time and space to heal, which can complicate relationships. This process often demands emotional sacrifices and patience from all parties to navigate the complexities of maintaining contact.
Making Open Adoption Manageable
The key to a successful open adoption is to be prepared. Have a positive attitude. Don’t assume things will go wrong. Share your gratitude and enthusiasm. Embrace open, honest communication. Set boundaries. Revisit needs. And always focus on the best interest of the child.
Be aware of emotions, either in your child, the biological family, and yourself. At some point, your child will be old enough to make their own decisions regarding communication and time spent. They may choose to continue their relationship and then again, they may not.
The reality is that life changes for everyone over time: people move, children turn into teenagers, and people change. In states where adoption agreements are enforceable and one party or both wants to change the terms of the agreement, seek legal advice.
The bottom line is that each adoption is unique and must be tailored to the child’s needs. You will need to decide what works best for you, the child, and their biological parents. Seek counsel from your attorney, your case worker, and others who have had successful open adoptions.
