Please Don’t Adopt If You Haven’t Grieved Your Infertility

Grief has a way of lingering,,,

Shelley Skuster May 26, 2017
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The visible scars of infertility may fade over time, but the inner scars of grief can linger far past when visible scars fade for many couples who have struggled to conceive.

While adopting a child may fill a void in one’s journey to parenthood, it will not erase the pain caused by the inability to do so without, and often despite, significant medical or financial hurdles.

Adopting a child does not negate the heartache caused from infertility.

Adopting a child does not change the financial and emotional investments made from having pursued infertility treatments.

It does not magically cure the brokenness you’ve felt toward your body and its inability to work as it should.

Adopting a child does not alter any lab results. It does not make uncomfortable treatments and procedures suddenly a fond memory. It doesn’t erase the sting of pregnancy announcements or baby showers or gender reveal parties.

Adopting a child does not take away the hours spent charting cycles, scheduling appointments and blood draws and ultrasounds. It does not allow the images of negative pregnancy tests to abruptly disappear from your mind.

While adopting a child can be an amazing, beautiful, bittersweet way to grow your family, it does not change the road of all of the hardships you have faced that may have led you to consider adoption in the first place.

That’s why it’s important to grieve the inability to have biological children and all of the trials that came with that realization prior to even starting to pursue the adoption process. Not having grieved keeps wounds open inside you.

Adoption does not–and will not–fix the grief and heartache associated with infertility.

Are you ready to pursue a domestic infant adoption? Click here to connect with a compassionate, experienced adoption professional who can help get you started on the journey of a lifetime.

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Shelley Skuster

Shelley is a former award-winning television journalist who traded in suit coats and red lipstick for a messy bun and yoga pants. She's a freelance writer who stays at home with her three daughters who are all ((gasp)) under the age of three and came to her via adoption and birth. She's the woman behind the blog Shelley Writes, and she can also be found on Facebook and Twitter.


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