As an adoptive mom, I feel like I have got the best education and insight from birth mothers. These amazing women often have misconceptions about them, and I am on a mission to help debunk some of those because they are some of the best people that I know. Did you know that only 1% of women in unwed pregnancies choose adoption? These are the 1% that I am proud to know and call my friends. This will be an ongoing series of asking questions to real birth moms to educate and hopefully show the world what is really in their hearts. If you are hoping to adopt, I would highly recommend that you get to know and become friends with birth moms. It will be one of the best things you can do for your adoption!
Here is the next question in our project:
What are things that others have done or said to make your healing easier?
It took a total stranger 33 years after I placed. She was the first person that ever thanked me for my sacrifices. Another wonderful woman taught me I placed her with love. I did not give her away, and I NEVER GAVE UP. – Bridget
Something that helped me the most was that the adoptive mom would send me pictures and be understanding, patient, and nice to me, even when I was having a hard time. I loved when, right after placement, the adoptive mom would point out things about my daughter that reminded her of me and the birth father. My family being there for me and not treating me differently helped, too. They would do extra little kind things for me, and that showed me that they loved me and were there for me. One of my brothers just held me while I cried in his arms and didn’t even say anything. They were just there. – Lauren P.
Having people to listen without saying they understand made my healing easier. Finding fellow birth moms to talk to and support groups. – Roanne
It was 20 something years before I had another adoptive parent acknowledge my sacrifice and personally thank me on behalf of adoptive families all over the world. That was THE moment!!! – Annette
A friend, who was also adopted and a birth mom a couple days apart from me, and her family paid for me to fly out to California and go to a birth mom retreat. with one another. We met on a “what to expect” app and had been texting and etc about our pregnancy and our plans for adoption. It meant the world as there are not many resources for support here in Alabama. – Catarina
Hearing others’ experiences and knowing that I am not alone in my feelings. Talking to adoptive moms and realizing that they do care about us. – Lindsey
I knew I was always supported by family. My friends took me to fun events the first year after placement. – Katelyn
My peer support groups full of birth moms and adoptive moms have been my rock. Without them, I would never be where I am in my journey. – Alysia
Just being a listening ear has been helpful to my healing. Greatest advice I got was to journal and to feel my feelings, not bottle them up. – Rachel
People see my birth son as my family, not just some child I gave away. They use the word “placed” instead of “gave up” when describing me. – Makena
The major thing that stands out in my mind is knowing that I can turn to my best friend Anji at any given moment & know she’ll be there by my side all the way. Same with her wonderful hubby. – Sonya
When people let me talk about it. Ask me about it. Feel it with me, particularly others from the triad. I think the most defining help I ever received was when a case worker asked if I’d do a presentation about my story when my son was about two. – Tamra
People wanting to know more about adoption, saying things like, “What a loving choice you made to place your child with a family who could not bear their own.” Support groups and adoption events helped a lot to know I was not alone. – Margaret
Just offering support and letting me be open about my experience. – Shanna
Having adoptive parents that heard that I was a birth mom and they would come up to me and hug me and thank me. I also have adoptees thank me. Even if their personal story wasn’t ideal. – Jeanie
Just finding out this last summer that I’m not alone helped me continue healing. – Melanie
Just hearing stories and knowing I wasn’t alone. Also learning that being a birth mom wasn’t something to be ashamed of, but a noble and honorable thing, and to embrace it! – Sherri
The things that have helped me heal are quotes. Either done on my end or others. Also, being a part of birth mom groups who have experienced the same. Words coming from people who have no idea don’t make any impact on me whatsoever. – Lauren
Want to read more? Go to:
The Real Birth Moms Project | Part One
The Real Birth Moms Project | Part Two
The Real Birth Moms Project | Part Four
Are you a birth mother? Answer this question in the comments below! Let’s all educate the world on REAL birth moms and not stereotypes.
What are things that others have done or said to make your healing easier?
