Shaking The “It’s Not Fair” Complex

It's up to you to not let it control you.

Ryann Sefcik June 16, 2017
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When I first got my infertility diagnosis, I went through all of the stages of grief. Some stages lasted longer than others, some stages were revisited multiple times, but during all of the stages (except perhaps ‘acceptance’) I muttered–or shouted–the phrase, “it’s just not fair” more times than I’d care to admit. And, you know what, it was true. It’s not fair. It’s still not fair. There are women who want nothing more than to be mothers who are told they can’t conceive a child. But life is rarely fair, and if you spend all of your time focused on what’s not fair, then you’ll miss out on everything amazing life has to offer.

It’s so easy to think the world is against you when so many things seem to be going wrong, but that’s a dangerous path to travel down. As soon as you start thinking one element of your life is not fair, the easier it becomes to just assume that all elements of your life are “not fair.” But how do you get out of that rut? Here are a few suggestions of ways to shake the “It’s Not Fair” complex:

Distract Yourself

Go out and take a walk, play a game, write a letter, color, watch TV, read a book–do something to take your mind off of the feeling sorry for yourself spiral.

Get Mad

Let’s be honest, sometimes distractions don’t work. If that’s the case, go outside and scream at the top of your lungs, vent to a friend, or have a good cry session… just don’t let it last too long.


I’m not a doctor, but I do think there’s something to be said about laughter being the best medicine.

Count Your Blessings

Chances are you have a lot more good things going for you than bad. Give those things a little love and don’t feed into the negative voices.

Some things in life just aren’t fair and won’t ever be fair. It’s up to you to not let it control you and bring you down!

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Ryann Sefcik

Ryann Sefcik never intended to be a writer but has always loved storytelling. Since she was 8, Ryann has performed on stages all over Northeast Ohio, using scripts and songs to tell the stories of different characters, but now it’s time for her to tell her own. Ryann began blogging with a friend at Betrothed Babies Blog after they both became moms 10 days apart from one another—one through pregnancy and one through adoption. As an adoptive mom and a step mom, Ryann personifies the thought that love, not blood, is what makes a family. By day, Ryann is an elementary music teacher and directs a children’s choir as well as a middle school drama club, but her favorite job is taking care of her three boys: ages 8, 6 months, and 35 (Her husband—he requires the most adult supervision!) She hopes to be able to bring comfort, joy, laughter, and empathy to the audience through her writing.

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