When I first got my infertility diagnosis, I went through all of the stages of grief. Some stages lasted longer than others, some stages were revisited multiple times, but during all of the stages (except perhaps ‘acceptance’) I muttered–or shouted–the phrase, “it’s just not fair” more times than I’d care to admit. And, you know what, it was true. It’s not fair. It’s still not fair. There are women who want nothing more than to be mothers who are told they can’t conceive a child. But life is rarely fair, and if you spend all of your time focused on what’s not fair, then you’ll miss out on everything amazing life has to offer.

It’s so easy to think the world is against you when so many things seem to be going wrong, but that’s a dangerous path to travel down. As soon as you start thinking one element of your life is not fair, the easier it becomes to just assume that all elements of your life are “not fair.” But how do you get out of that rut? Here are a few suggestions of ways to shake the “It’s Not Fair” complex:

Distract Yourself

Go out and take a walk, play a game, write a letter, color, watch TV, read a book–do something to take your mind off of the feeling sorry for yourself spiral.


Get Mad

Let’s be honest, sometimes distractions don’t work. If that’s the case, go outside and scream at the top of your lungs, vent to a friend, or have a good cry session… just don’t let it last too long.


I’m not a doctor, but I do think there’s something to be said about laughter being the best medicine.

Pregnant and considering adoption?

Get your free adoption benefits and support bundle

support image

Step 2 of 4

Step 3 of 4

Step 4 of 4

Please enter your contact information so we can contact you about your personalized adoption plan.

Count Your Blessings

Chances are you have a lot more good things going for you than bad. Give those things a little love and don’t feed into the negative voices.

Some things in life just aren’t fair and won’t ever be fair. It’s up to you to not let it control you and bring you down!