If you’ve experienced an unplanned pregnancy, it can be difficult to tell your loved ones that you’re considering placing your child with an adoptive family. But speaking with your family is important for both you and them. Some soon-to-be parents aren’t sure where to begin or how to broach the subject. This can be a very difficult task—but it is a necessary one.

Your family and friends can be your support system, but in order for them to support you and to help you, you need to talk to them about your situation, your options, and your decision. Yes, it will be hard, but it is worth it in the end.

Here are some necessities when speaking to your family about adoption:

Honesty: This is the most important. Not only will your family members and trusted friends need to be completely honest with you, you will need to be honest with them. And you will also need to be honest with yourself. In order for anything to be worked out or appropriately and effectively discussed, honesty is required from everyone involved. Open yourself up to your support system. They can’t help you if they don’t know about your situation, how you’re feeling, or your fears and concerns.


Trust: Trust is also very important. After you have been open with your family members and friends, it is time to trust them. But more importantly, it is time to trust yourself. You are capable of making an informed decision. You are capable of deciding which option is best for you. If you need the help or advice of others, that is perfectly fine. It is nothing for which to be embarrassed.

Open-mindedness: Your family and friends will give you advice. They give you this advice because they love you and want the best for you. They want to help you in any way they can. Keep an open mind. Consider what they’ve said and suggested. Take your time thinking about all your options and the repercussions or results of each decision.

Deciding when to talk to your family members about adoption can also be difficult. It depends on what you feel is right, your specific situation, and when you feel the most comfortable. For some, discussing it on a whim is the best option. For others, planning it out is helpful—arranging for adequate time to discuss everything properly and fully. If you are one to plan, make sure there is comfortable seating for everyone who will be there. And make sure you feel as comfortable as you can—as hard as this may be.

Speaking to your family about your adoption option can be nerve-wracking and terrifying, but it is important that you work through this. Your family wants to know. Your family deserves to know. They will be there to help and support you. And if they decide not to be there for you, you still have great options for a support system: support groups, friends, and professional counselors. It takes bravery to discuss such a sensitive topic with loved ones. Be brave.