Telling Your Adopted Children They Were “Chosen” …Helpful or Hurtful?

I’ll leave that up to you and your special journey to know the answer for your family.

Kathy Asbery November 15, 2016
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It’s a typical scenario at our house. Laying down at bedtime and being asked to tell the story of how we prayed for our daughter.

“Tell me how you prayed for me for 10 and a billion years. Tell me about how you had to fly so far away to get to me but they wouldn’t let you hold me until you got a bracelet and you cried. Tell me how you held me that first time and never let me go. Tell me how much your life didn’t feel complete without your baby girl.”

And it goes on and on several times a week. A story as old as time of a family’s desire for a child and their love for that child before they even know who he or she is. We have four children. Each were prayed for. Each came into our lives with a story attached. Each, we feel, were hand-chosen by God for us. Biological or adopted, a baby is a miracle. Our journey to our daughter was much different than the ones to our sons, but each were blessings. We tell her often that she is our dream come true. Because she is.

Did we choose her? No. Her birth mom chose us. We don’t hide that fact. But we do tell her that we were chosen for her. To love her. To care for her. To raise her. We prayed and God led us down a path that led us to her. That her birth mom prayed for a family for her that led us together. That, to us, means God directed those paths so that the baby meant for our family ended up in it. Two families that love one little girl entwined forever.

So is telling your adopted child that they were chosen helpful? Or does it hurt them? I’ll leave that up to you and your special journey to know the answer for your family. For us, we tell all of our children that we are blessed by them. That God graced us with them. That we don’t know how long we will hold their hands in life, but every day that we do, we are grateful and thankful. We tell them we are thankful that they chose us to be their parents. Because we truly feel like we hit the jackpot.

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Kathy Asbery

Kathy is the busy mom to four kids and a part-time weight loss life coach. Holding a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology has helped her not only in child rearing and surviving breast cancer, but through the adoption process as well. Her favorite saying is: Live the life you love, and love the life you live!


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