The choice of words is the ultimate solution for your parenting problems involving kids who rarely listen to anything you say. When you speak to children using kind words, you will have a greater chance of getting their attention and keeping their interest in everything that you say.

Your child will understand that the things that you say and the words that you use reflect your current mood and feelings. However, most of the time they get the wrong message and take everything you say personally. That is why speaking to your child softly is recommended–your child follows your request without feeling negative.

But for you to maintain an active sense of communication with your kids, there are a few techniques that you should put to practice. Are you familiar with the adage, “If you cannot say anything nice, then do not say anything at all?” Aside from making sense to live in general, this also applies to parenting as well.

You have to realize that kids are sensitive creatures, and they live to please their parents and the other grown-ups around them. That is why it is recommended that you use gentle words like “please” and “thank you” as much and as often as possible. Through these words, you will create a positive atmosphere at home as well as having the assurance that your message gets across right.

You do not have to sound like an alarm clock just to get your child’s attention. In fact, according to research, both adults and children respond well to positive messages that are said in a pleasant tone than those said in shouting. Although your kids will understand that you have lost your temper, it will only make your kids avoid you all the more.

That means no shouting and no yelling. Yelling to your children, even to your spouse, will only bring tension and bad vibes in the house. But if you talk to your kids more respectfully, you will have a more peaceful home.

Nevertheless, perhaps the most important and the most difficult task that every parent should think about when disciplining their kids is transforming criticism into compliments. Teaching your kids right from wrong should be inspired by the right intentions.

When you criticize children, you will make them feel like failures. But if you encourage them and give them compliments, they will not give up easily and will feel more inspired to reach their goals. So always use encouraging statements like “Keep going, you’re almost there,” “I’m impressed with your efforts,” and “You are getting the hang of it now, good job.”

You must know that children have the potential to do great things. Often all they need is encouragement and the knowledge that someone believes in them. It isn’t hard to encourage your kids. It just takes a commitment to seeing and talking about the great things they do.

Here are few tips to help you and your children get the most out of your positive words:

Be specific.

Let your children know exactly what you are praising them for. Saying, “Great job!” is good. Every child likes to hear that. But telling her or him, “I loved the way you helped your sister pick up her toys” is better.

Touch your children while you praise them.

Sometimes we forget how important physical contact is. Kids (and adults) thrive when they get physical affection. While you’re verbally praising them, give them a hug, put your hand on their shoulder, or just a pat on the head. It will reinforce your positive message.

Encourage good intentions.

Sometimes kids mean to do well, but they don’t get it quite right. The result is often a mess that needs to be cleaned. We parents need to recognize a child’s attempts to do the right thing, even when the result isn’t what they hoped for. Many times all children need is a little guidance to achieve the desired result.

Praise your kids publicly and privately.

Kids should be made aware that you are proud of them. You show them your pride when you praise them in front of friends and family. Encouraging your children in a private manner lets them know that your public recognition isn’t just a show; it’s how you feel about them.

Kids make mistakes. They do things that they shouldn’t do. Too often, we parents focus on fixing those aspects of our kids’ lives. But we also need to recognize all the terrible things our kids say and do.

Use the right words when disciplining your child.

The behavior, temperament, and age of your child will determine the type of discipline technique and words you choose in your parenting style.

Apart from the above tips, remember these simple techniques to take your parenting on a new level:

1. Reward good behavior.

Acknowledging good behavior is the best way to encourage your child to continue it. In other words, always compliment children when they show the responses you’ve been looking for.

2. Be consistent in applying discipline.

Justice should be reflected in all your assignments.

3. Allow children to let you know their view on the situation.

Always consider any mitigating circumstances. Listen patiently and with focus. Listening with concentration, empathy, and genuine compassion is the best for you to understand where the problem is.

4. Listen carefully.

This one is hard for most people. Listening is a skill that is necessary for real interpersonal communication with others and can help you grow. Try your very best to listen to your children no matter how ridiculous. It is important to them.

5. Let only those children with rights to know their misdeeds do so.

You should not publicly compare your child with another.

6. Apologize in case you’ve treated a child unjustly. 

We all make mistakes and can relate to each other with compassion.

7. Make sure the consequences are related to the misbehavior of children and let them know the reason behind their punishment.

8. Attend more fully when a high level of emotion is evident.

Ask the disruptive children what’s going on and respond appropriately. Take an active role in their lives. Many kids just need simple parental attention and an understanding of what they lack. A good start for your family would be to attend the exhibitions, the museums and to make a list of hobbies you would like to do with your little ones.

Doing your best at keeping these tips and techniques, and keeping your style of parenting in mind while doing so, will be a great start. Soon discipline will become less frequent as your child grows and learns. This is only a good beginning and should be utilized alongside another plan of action that is thorough and well rounded.