If I had it my way, I would have been in a position to give my son everything myself. However, I was not ready to provide him with the life he deserved. Right away I knew that adoption would be the best choice for him. When I began the impossible search for the couple to raise my son, my mind was in a million pieces. Most of the choices I had made in the recent past were the wrong ones; how could I ensure the couple I chose would be the right choice? I wanted to be the one to raise my boy, but I couldn’t at the time, so I had to find someone close to my personality to raise him. In the end, I knew my heart would lead me to my couple.
I remember when I first began looking. Hundreds of couples showed up on the screen before me . . . and those were just the ones using the agency I went through. It wasn’t fair to me that so many good people wanted to be parents and were relying on someone like me to make it happen. An overwhelming sense of pressure came to me. I knew it wasn’t my responsibility to make any of them parents, but I felt it anyway.
I decided to begin on the side of logic and find someone I wanted to be. Educated, strong in their religion, young, first-time parents, and so on. To be honest, when I entered my criteria on the website, nobody showed up. So I broadened my criteria—perhaps “must have a dog” and “both be doctors” was too specific. That provided me with a few more options, and a young couple caught my eye: Josh and Cheryl. They seemed kind. I could see it in their eyes. That was too easy, I had months to figure it out and it took me five minutes to find someone? No way.
The next search I entered a few different things just to see what my options were. Josh and Cheryl were there. Too easy, keep searching . . .
After trying different combinations of searches and having Josh and Cheryl appear in every one, I began trying ones that they wouldn’t show up in. Apparently, that was ludicrous. I think my computer would have had them appear even if I put in “single.” I walked away from the search for a few weeks but could not stop thinking about them. My son would wiggle and squirm when I talked to him about them, he seemed excited about them as well. I began having dreams about them, and when I woke up, my son would be rolling and kicking, seemingly thrilled that they were on my mind.
Then, my agency switched websites. I tried a new search, thinking it wouldn’t be so biased to Josh and Cheryl. It wasn’t . . . at all. They didn’t show up in my first criteria search, and I was heartbroken! They didn’t show up in my second search, or third . . . where were they? I searched only for their names, thinking another expectant mother had chosen them. Nope, there they were. Looking at me through my screen with their kind eyes. Then it hit me: If I was that disappointed that someone else might have chosen them, perhaps I should at least talk to them.
Our correspondence began, we planned a face-to-face, and the rest was history. I told them I was choosing them to raise my son by telling them that he was a boy! They made realistic promises for an open adoption and have fulfilled each thing they promised, plus a million more. My birth son is now 7 years old and we are as close as we have ever been. I consider them an extension of my family, and they do the same for me.
I knew I had found the right parents for my baby by following my heart. They were kind, made realistic promises, and our personalities work well together. My birth son is as happy as I could have hoped for, which is all I wanted for him.
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