“Finding vs Waiting for Your Adoption to Happen” was a class taught by our agency during our application phase. We were encouraged to ‘find’ our baby or expectant parents rather than “wait” for expectant parents to contact us.

wait    [weyt]   verb (used without object)

  1. to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens (often followed by for, till, or until): to wait for the bus to arrive.
  2. (of things) to be available or in readiness: A letter is waiting for you.
  3. to remain neglected for a time: a matter that can wait.
  4. to postpone or delay something or to be postponed or delayed: We waited a week and then bought the house. Your vacation will have to wait until next month.
  5. to look forward to eagerly: I’m just waiting for the day somebody knocks him down.

To remain inactive is to sit idly by and do nothing but wait for an expectant parent to contact you, for the agency to call and say there is an adoptable child. You hope all the pieces fall into place all on their own. To do this all while “looking forward eagerly” can be emotionally challenging and take a toll on each of us and our relationships.

find   [fahynd]   verb (used with object), found, find-ing

  1. to come upon by chance; meet with: He found a nickel in the street.
  2. to locate, attain, or obtain by search or effort: to find an apartment; to find happiness.
  3. to locate or recover (something lost or misplaced): I can’t find my blue socks.
  4. to discover or perceive after consideration: to find something to be true.
  5. to gain or regain the use of: His anger finally helped him find his tongue.

I want to focus on number two– that is, to locate, attain, or obtain by search or effort: to find an apartment; to find happiness. Focusing on by search or effort.

Hope and belief without action on your part is futile.

Facebook states their purpose is to make the world more open and transparent, which they believe will create greater understanding and connection. Facebook promotes openness and transparency by giving individuals greater power to share and connect. This is how we should approach sharing our adoption story on social media, with openness to create a connection.

You want your adoption story to blend in with the rest of your life. Don’t start every adoption related post with PLEASE SHARE!!!! Adoption does not define you– it is just one part of your story. If you attend a birth parent panel, post about it, share your thoughts and feelings. When you meet with your caseworker, post about it, along with the excitement of the adoption application process. Keep adoption positive!

Share your story, struggles and all. A few months ago, an expectant couple planned on placing their child with us. This was my Facebook post that night, “Kevin and I are celebrating National Adoption Month by adding another little one and their birth family to our family. A new baby boy will be arriving the end of the month!” We spent that next month building a relationship with this expectant couple. We loved them and hoped for the best.

One week before the baby was born, their adoption plans changed. My Facebook post that night?

“Sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can come together.” – Marilyn Monroe. This rings true today more than ever. The expectant parents who were planning on placing with us have made another adoption plan for their baby.

I had comments on these posts were downright hurtful and brought me to tears and others that were so full of love, support, and encouragement. By sharing our heartbreak, our friends became emotionally invested in helping us grow our family. We are always in the back of their minds when someone mentions adoption to them. When sharing your lows, never bad mouth expectant parents. It does not matter how much your heart is hurting. Always end your lows with a positive for the future. Expectant parents will also be reading your social media.

A common fear in sharing your adoption story so openly on social media is being scammed and having your heart broken. There will always be risks in adoption, expectant parents can change their minds or you could get scammed by someone seeking attention or money. The reward is that you could be connected with an expectant parent that places with you.

We are not waiting to be contacted, to be chosen. We are sharing our lives and our adoption journey. We are being honest and open about who we are. Hope makes me believe that there are children meant for our family. Our actions let me know they will come.