Adoptive Mom’s Perspective: Our First Meeting

Join us as we hear an adoptive mom and a birth mom describing what they experienced at key points in their adoption journeys. For this week’s birth mother perspective, click here.

When we’d met expectant moms who were considering us, we’d met them at the agency. The caseworkers were there, and in all honesty, it took a bit for us to relax and be ourselves. I remember a panicked feeling before we walked in the doors. I also remember clutching Tyson’s hand with my sweaty hand (EW!) so hard in the car on the drive to the agency. Most of the expectant mothers ended up placing with another family, and one chose to parent. Needless to say, we were a little hesitant to get excited about the fear of enduring more heartbreak when we were contacted by RW.

The first contact we had from RW was the first week of November in 2012 via email. It all went great, and soon, we were invited to meet with her at her 20-week doctor appointment the first week in December. We already had the time off from work for that weekend, as it was my birthday, and we figured, what better way to spend it than to go out of town? This was also what we told our families, as we didn’t want them to know until things were a little more solid.

Two days before we were set to drive to her city, I got in a car accident, and my car ended up in the shop. I wound up with a rental car, and that’s what we took down: a new, little, itty bitty Fiat. As we were driving it felt like the darn thing wouldn’t or couldn’t go fast enough. Had I been able to, I would have driven much faster, but it was gutless.

The next morning (my birthday), we got ready and jumped in the car to drive to the doctor’s office. We were early and nervous. We hadn’t seen pictures of RW, so we weren’t entirely sure who we were looking for. Then, a car pulled up, and I knew it was her. Despite never having met in person, she felt familiar, and I almost ran to give her a big hug. It was like seeing an old friend.

RW’s incredibly sweet sister was with her and asked lots of questions. We all sat in the waiting room together for a brief moment until RW was called back. We hadn’t discussed if she wanted us to come back with her or wait, so we hesitated. RW was quick to tell us to come along. The nurse asked her who we were, and she told her that we were the adoptive parents! Up until that moment, we weren’t 100% sure that she had chosen us, but oh boy, did that send my heart racing and bring an even bigger smile to my face.

That day, we got to experience something I never thought we’d be able to. Tyson and I went into the ultrasound room with her and her sister, and we heard LT’s strong heartbeat, saw his amazing profile while he did what I call “The Thinker,” and counted those perfect little toes and fingers. The sweet nurse printed off a bunch of pictures and asked if we’d like a set. Unsure what to say, we asked RW. It was really her call. She quickly handed us a set. I’ve never treasured another set of pictures more than I do those, even to this day.

After the doctor’s appointment, we went to a local pizza restaurant to talk and get to know each other more. Her sister asked us about openness, and it was then that we learned RW wanted a closed adoption.