What I Could Have Done Better On My Adoption Journey | A Birth Mother’s Perspective

The ideal is still not perfection.

Lindsey Olsen June 14, 2017
article image

In my humble opinion, from a birth mother’s point of view, I had the idealistic adoption story. I found my son’s family very quickly, all my requests and requirements were met, I bonded instantly with most of my son’s family. His mother was able to be there when he was born so she could do most of the things new mothers do after delivery, and we’ve kept in close contact ever since to maintain our mutually desired open adoption. It went almost exactly as planned, even though the situation itself wasn’t planned to begin with. But the ideal is still not perfection. This is not to say I would change anything major; I don’t regret how things turned out. However, I can think back on the finite details of the adoption and beyond, and recognize things I wish I would have done differently.


I wish I would have started out the surprise pregnancy with an apology letter to my son’s birth father.

I wish I would have taken better care of my health.

I wish I would have accepted help from the resources I had available to me during and after my son’s birth to make sure I was mentally in a good place.

I wish I would have use the experience to reinvent myself into the person I wanted to be, instead of reverting back to the old me, before timidly taking that leap year down the road.

I wish I would have been more patient with those who were trying to help me.

I wish I would have been sterner with those who tried to tear me down.

I wish I would have put forth a better effort to spend time with my son’s family both before and after he was born.

I wish I would have been more helpful to those in the same boat as me.

I wish I would have pumped breastmilk and sent it to my son so he didn’t have to go straight to formula.

I wish I would have done something nice for my son’s family for being willing to raise him, and love him, and do what I couldn’t.

I wish I would have given him something to make me feel like I was contributing to his safety and wellbeing after he was born.

I wish I would have been more honest with those around me so I could weed out those I no longer needed in my life.

I wish I would have documented my thoughts and feeling in a journal so I could use those experiences as a way to become better, and potentially help others become better.

I wish I would have been more patient with myself.

I wish I would have taken more time for myself.


Though there are lots of things I wish I could have done differently. I know my son is with the right family. I know he’s safe. I know he’s happy. And I know things turned out the way they were supposed to.

author image

Lindsey Olsen

Lindsey Olsen is a birth mother from sunny California, where she currently lives with her husband Steve (also referred to as Bud). She loves singing, going for walks in warm weather, looking out the passenger side window on long road trips, and eating. . .everything. Her favorite things are her family, her faith, her cowboy boots, and food. She has aspirations of becoming a marriage and family counselor so she can help other birth mothers find confidence, comfort, and beauty in their identities as the amazing women they are.

Need help from a search & reunion professional?

Love this? Want more?

Claim Your FREE Adoption Summit Ticket!

The #1 adoption website is hosting the largest, FREE virtual adoption summit. Come listen to 50+ adoption experts share their knowledge and insights.

Members of the adoption community are invited to watch the virtual summit for FREE on September 23-27, 2019, or for a small fee, you can purchase an All-Access Pass to get access to the summit videos for 12 months along with a variety of other benefits.

Get Your Free Ticket

Host: ws1.elevati.net