What I Want Adoptive Parents to Know: Spelling IT OUT

Adoption explained by an adoptee.

Rebecca Tillou November 25, 2016
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Always know that as adoptees, we thank you very much for being our forever families.

Do not deny your feelings of fear and apprehension if your child decides to search. We are your children. Of course, you do not want to lose us.

Open communication is the key in an adoptive family. Remember to ask us if we have any questions about adoption, and be open to listening to them and giving any answers that you see fit.

People are going to ask you questions about the whole adoption process and about your adopted child. Have an open heart and listen to the questions. Do not judge the questions, but use the time as an educational opportunity to teach the person asking about adoption.

Take time to understand if we desire to know our roots and where we came from. It is not that we feel unloved or unwanted. It is just an innate desire to come across our reflection in a pool of genetic waters.

Imagination can be important for the adoptee to work through not knowing their biological roots, and being in constant wonder. Be ready for your child when they talk about how they think their biological parents are famous or living in the same town as them, waiting for them to be discovered.

One thing to remember is that we are your child. Please do not refer to us as your adopted child to anyone, whether they be friends or family.

Needs have to be met. We children who are adopted have the same basic, common needs as those children that have not been adopted. We want to be loved and cared for unconditionally. We want to be able to be a child, to be able to laugh and to be able to live like a child.

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Rebecca Tillou

Rebecca was adopted as an infant. She found her birth family in May of 2013 and continues to keep in touch with them. Sadly, her birth mother passed away in 1999. She and her husband live in New York and are the parents of two beautiful little boys, Dominic and Nicolas. They also have a German Shepherd mix named Chester. She was recently diagnosed with FASD at 34 years of age. She is currently working with nofas.org and thearg.org to get the word out that there is hope, and that you are never too old to better yourself.

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