Didn’t you love her? Do you still get to see her? Why didn’t you just have an abortion?
When someone learns that I placed my baby for adoption, I almost always receive questions following the news. Some are out of love, some out of judgement, most though, are out of pure (innocent) curiosity.
The most common question I receive is, “Why did you chose adoption?” The short and simple answer to this is: because I love her. But I’m not here to give the short answer. I am here to expand and hopefully not only share more about my own experience, but to also convey some background and understanding on the topic of adoption and birth mothers alike.
Although I knew I would be breaking my own heart in the process, the minute I chose adoption, I did not waiver. I knew this was the only thing that could give her what she needed.
One misconception I have seen is, when one hears that I am a birth mother, they automatically assume that I had my child taken from me against my will. Although this is the case for some, the type of birth mother that I would like to focus on is she who chose to place her child on her own. The birth mother who willingly relinquished her rights. I have yet to meet or hear of a birth mother in this case that did not love her child.
I was 19 when my baby girl came into this world. My first decision upon discovering that I was pregnant was not to place her for adoption—it was to parent. My entire life I had longed for the day that I would become a mother. From the time I was just a little girl, I can remember dreaming of becoming a mother and having a child of my own. I just knew (and still know) that it was my calling in life. It is something that I have always anxiously anticipated and dreamed about. So naturally, when I learned that I was pregnant, I was set on implementing all that I could to raise her myself and to be the mother that I have always imagined I would be.
It didn’t take long for me to realize that although being a mother was my ultimate goal, I was not in the position necessary to raise my child the way she deserved. I wanted my child to have the best life possible. I knew that this began with two people who loved each other unconditionally. I knew that if my child was going to have the life I dreamed for her, that I would have to take the unbearable and heartbreaking journey through adoption. Did I have the capability needed to raise her? Yes. Did I think I could do it? Without a doubt! But did I think that it was going to be best for her? No, I did not.
Although I knew that it was going to be hard to raise my child on my own, I would have done it and there is not a doubt in my mind that I would have given her everything that I possibly could. But did I believe it was vital for my child to grow up with two parents in the home? Yes, I did. It was something that I felt was necessary for her to succeed in the way I knew she could. I was ready to take whatever means necessary to give my child all that she deserved. Although I knew I would be breaking my own heart in the process, the minute I chose adoption, I did not waiver. I knew this was the only thing that could give her what she needed.
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One of the most important things a mother does for her child day in and day out is make the decisions for them that they are not able to make for themselves. My decision resulted in setting what I wanted aside for her. It resulted in complete heartbreak and pain. It resulted in me trusting in someone else to take on the role of a mother.
But do you want to know what else it resulted in?
She now has double the amount of people who love her, she gets to learn to make her own decisions with every single possibility and option at her fingertips. She can grow up with parents who love her, and the best part, is that because we have an open adoption, she will ALWAYS know that I love her. No matter what.
Adoption was the hardest choice I have ever made, but it also has blessed my life in ways that I never even imagined. It has made me the person I am today and it has brought more happiness than I ever dreamed it would.
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