In this day and age, it’s not always popular to say “It’s a God thing.” However, I truly believe it was. You see, I had thought about international adoption for years before I actually began taking steps towards doing it. I can’t explain why, although some of my family and friends wondered why I just couldn’t adopt domestically. But I knew in my heart that international adoption was for me. I persuaded my then-husband, but we didn’t have the money that the process would take (I believe it ended up costing us around $28,000) and didn’t know where to begin. I wish I had kept a diary at the time because I could explain this more precisely, but the process began to unfold scripture by scripture, prayer by prayer, and it simply seemed right– meant to be. The money manifested. There were signs that I, as a Christian, can only attribute to God.
After our daughter Olivia* was adopted from Bulgaria and I got through my post adoption depression syndrome (PADS – I’ve written about this in other articles here on Adoption.com), David* and I discussed adopting a boy and even began the process. However, something about it didn’t seem right. The process didn’t flow like the first one, and I didn’t feel God’s stamp of approval on this one. The circumstances seemed “off” somehow. I didn’t really know why at the time, but nothing was coming together. The first adoption seemed blessed; this one didn’t. In a word, it “fizzled.”
Looking back, that, too, was a God thing because David and I divorced not long after. A second child would have been a huge mistake. I got a lot of criticism (and was massively “guilted”) for divorcing with one adopted child, but I’ll say this on that subject and leave it at that: You just never know someone’s circumstances. I thought it better for Olivia to grow up with two happy parents apart than two miserable parents together.
Things turned out for the best: David and I both remarried, and Olivia has the most loving stepparents she could’ve asked for, and we’re all happy people now. Today she sees and experiences what true love is and what solid marriages should look like. David and I had an amicable split and have a good co-parenting plan and have had for the last nine years. But I knew then and I know now that regardless, God just didn’t mean for us to have a second child. I had had a stillbirth years before, so that further enhances my belief that I was meant to have only one and that one was sweet, smart, talented, and well-adjusted Olivia.
*Names have been changed.