About three years ago, I faced a difficult choice: whether or not to place the child I was pregnant with for adoption. The pregnancy hadn’t been planned, and when it was confirmed at 18 weeks, I was in shock. Life had thrown me for a tailspin. I was sick with worry over whether or not I could arrange my life to parent this precious boy growing inside me. My boyfriend and I analyzed from every angle and discussed it for the few months we had, but ultimately decided to place our child for adoption. Although it was the hardest choice I’ve ever had to make, let me tell you why I’ll never regret it.
I’ll never regret finding someone who was mentally and physically ready to be a parent when I was not.
Without going into the full story of why I placed, I was in a bad place in my life. Both of my parents had just passed away and I was working hard to finish school and work my first full-time job. My depression and anxiety was at one of the highest points it had ever been in my life. When thinking about the amount of energy that would go into being a parent, I had to think of the energy I was already lacking in taking care of myself. I was quick to emotion, always tired, and just trying to breathe. The thought of being entrusted to care for someone who needed everything I could give them, every ounce of my mental and physical being to teach them how to be a person, was exhausting and terrifying. Having been raised by parents who had not been mentally prepared for parenthood, who hadn’t developed all of the proper coping and life skills, I couldn’t imagine doing that to this precious boy that I was growing, whom I was already feeling I had failed by creating his life when I wasn’t ready to be a parent.
I’ll never regret placing my son knowing how happy he is with the parents that are raising him.
That isn’t to say that he would be any less happy of a child having been raised by me. But I’ve been very reassured of the choice by getting to see how much he smiles, how much he giggles, how bright his face gets when his mom does something meant just for him. I have never had a moment of doubt in his parents and the way they meet his needs and make him the happiest little boy.
I’ll never regret the opportunities that life has given both my son and I because of adoption.
He has the opportunity to live in a great area with good schools, tons of extracurricular programs, and parents who can meet his needs, both financially and in other ways. Having an open adoption, he is surrounded by double the family and so much love it’s unbelievable. As for me, I’ve been able to work to better myself and my life and not potentially hurt his in the process. I have been able to finish a Bachelor’s degree and am working on obtaining more education. By being an advocate of open and ethical adoption, I have made good friends and have gotten to know sides of adoption I wouldn’t have otherwise. I’m not saying it’s all sunshine and rainbows here, but at the end of the day, I feel we have all been blessed.
Adoption is a complicated experience for everyone involved.There are a lot of emotions and grief I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. But, I can honestly say that with everything involved, I’ll never regret placing my child for adoption.