Dear Child I Placed For Adoption,
It’s hard to know what to say. Even though we maintain an open relationship, there are so many things I want to impress on your mind. But I also don’t want to cause you to question your parents or me. We all only ever try to do what is best for you, so please keep that in mind.
First and foremost, I need you to understand just how much your parents love you. There are no circumstances under which they could love you any more than they already do. Even if you shared their genetics rather than mine, they would love you just the same. You were meant for their family. But being adoptive parents isn’t always easy for them. They are tasked with the responsibility to care for children tied to another set of parents. They risk giving of their love, then having it questioned. They will have to try to be fair and honest while handling the difficult questions you might have because of me, not them. They will be the best parents you could have ever been blessed with even though it’s not always easy.
I also need you to know that I love you. I love you no matter how often I say it. I love you no matter how often I see you. I love you no matter how far apart we live. I love you no matter how many other kids I have. I will always love you unconditionally. I don’t ever want you to think that I don’t have enough love for you. I can understand how easy it can be to question it. I know I chose to place you with another family, then parent your half-sister only a few years later. And I know that the way I brought you into the world was in no way ideal. But that does not mean that I love you any less. Simply put, I wanted you to have more than I could have given you.
Even though these may seem pretty stereotypical, I want to address some of the more typical questions adoptees ask about their birth mothers because I know that they can be hard to ask: No, I didn’t place you because I didn’t want you. No, I’m not struggling with drugs, drinking, abuse, or anything like that; I made some poor life choices, and tried to make a responsible decision to make the best of the situation. No, I will never try and “steal you back” from your family. However, I am also not an escape from your family’s rules. Yes, I still sometimes wish I could have been the one to raise you. No, I do not regret placing you; you are with the family Heavenly Father intended for you to be with.
The last thing I want to make sure you know is that being adopted does not make you a lesser person. You are a Green. You are a younger and older brother. You are a son, a grandson, a great-grandson, a nephew, a cousin. You just so happen to also be a birth child, thereby having two sets of parents, several sets of grandparents, a half-sister (more half-siblings to come), seemingly countless aunts, uncles, and cousins. You have so much love surrounding you. If anything, you’re one lucky boy to have such a large family that loves and supports you.
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Now, you are not obligated to do these things, but I want to ask a few things of you, and as your birth mother, I can only hope you listen. Please listen to your parents. Please be a good example to your siblings. Please try hard in school, at work, in your callings, and in your hobbies. Please sit at the dinner table with your family every night that you have the chance. Please be respectful of others. Please don’t fall into stereotypes of any kind. Please try to see the good in others. Please choose your friends wisely. Please set high standards for yourself. Please know I am always here for you. Please doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith. And please never question that you are loved.
I love you with all my heart.
Love,
Lindsey
