Making an adoption plan for my baby was the hardest thing I have ever done. It was also the best choice I ever made. Because of adoption, I am the person that I am today. But more importantly, my birth daughter is living a healthy, happy life. Adoption has been an incredible blessing in both of our lives.
Adoption being my best option meant that I was in some pretty tough circumstances when I was pregnant. I was headed down a very dark path at a very young age. I went through things as a child that no one should have to go through, and I was handling that by doing everything I could to numb the pain. That meant some pretty risky behavior and toxic relationships. I was angry, and I pushed away from the people close to me. I didn’t want their help.
And then Baby R came along, and everything changed. It wasn’t about me anymore. It didn’t matter how angry I was, I needed the support of my loved ones who welcomed me back with open arms. If I wanted to have a safe, healthy pregnancy, I needed to change my lifestyle and cut out toxic people from my life. I couldn’t afford to keep making mistakes.
Baby R forced me to get my life together and shape up. I strive every day to be a good example for her. She gave me a reason to get better, and now I stay that way for myself. I know that if I could pull myself out of the dark hole I was in, give birth to such a beautiful baby girl, and be strong enough to sacrifice my wants for her needs, I can do anything. I am birth mom strong.
My adoption journey has given me so much to love. I love my birth daughter and her entire adoptive family. Each one of them is so dear to me, and I am so blessed to have them in my life. Adoption has given me empathy. I can use the grief that I’ve been through in a positive way being able to understand and help others in a way I wouldn’t have been able to before.
Adoption gave me the time I needed to find myself. Getting healthy hasn’t been an easy process, and I am so grateful that little R hasn’t had to suffer because of my growing pains. She has had stability from the beginning, and that’s not something I could have offered her. Knowing that she is safe and well cared for gives me peace of mind, and the time and freedom to pursue an education and discover who I am. I believe that someday, little R will be proud of me for how far I have come.
I can’t speak for little R or any other adoptee, but I can say that I believe adoption will be a benefit in her life. Being placed in a stable home at birth will help her in so many ways. She will always have the benefit of knowing what a good relationship looks like because of her parent’s healthy marriage. She will never have to want for anything. She is well adjusted and will have the support of both her birth and adoptive families when and if she has questions or feelings about her adoption story. Those feelings might be difficult, but she will have the stable foundation she needs to cope with them.
Adoption isn’t easy. But for me, it was necessary to become who I am today. I’m proud of the person I have become, and I am so grateful for little R, who has blessed my life in so many ways. I wouldn’t be the strong, compassionate person I am today if I hadn’t become a birth mother. My journey has truly been a blessing in disguise.
Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Not sure what to do next? First, know that you are not alone. Visit PregnancyHotline.org or call 1-800-GLADNEY and speak to one of our Options Counselors to get compassionate, nonjudgmental support. We are here to assist you in any way we can.